What have you learned about grief? Can you help others with some insights, or answers to their questions? Supporting others can often help the one grieving, or maybe you have just been silent for too long. Need to vent?
If you are rehearsing the moment of death;
If you were told not to cry;
If you are having nightmares, or flashbacks;
If you are coping, recovering from your loss;
You are welcome here......
Are you being kind to yourself, treating yourself right, doing what is best for you?
I've always suffered from nightmares about my Mom dying long before she did so after she died I'd already exhausted the bad nightmares. Except now if I do have one, when I wake up from it the sadness hits hard cause it's not just a nightmare anymore. It's reality.
My advice to you would be, stop beating yourself up about grieving. Just accept it and eventually when you stop trying to fight it, it will get easier. This may be a poor example but it's like when you go on a diet. Suddenly, all that forbidden food seems even more tempting cause you can't have it anymore. So, don't fight the grief. Just let it wash over you and I think eventually it will become easier.
Good luck and keep posting!
I have an appointment with a therapist - finally I did make one - but I wonder if I should even go. So many things seem wrong with me and my life but I am approaching 70 and wonder if it is worth it.
I am sad that I could not do more. Anyone else feeling this way, especially the not wanting to socialize?
But Patooski, I think you should not give up on yourself. Seventy is still pretty young. Why not try to make it happy or if not happy, at least tolerable. :)
P.
I did read somewhere that your adrenaline goes so high when in the caretaking situation and then when it's over, there's nothing. And it's a physical letdown. The whole experience can affect your stress hormones, immunity - everything. So I am hoping this is just normal and will pass. But I know that I am different than I was before this. Grief is really something.
I am grieving for my mother, in the end stages of Alzheimer's and I'm grieving for my son who has made some awful choices for his life and is paying the consequences. They haven't died but my grief is none the less there. It seems to kick up its heels at times and I have periods of despair. I know I can't change a thing in either one of their lives, so, as they say, I've got to "keep on keeping on".
I pray for them, I pray for me. This forum has been a lifesaver (with support for my mom's dementia). Unfortunately, when I tried a forum for my son's problem, it brought the pain to the surface and made it worse. Same thing happens if I read books about coping with his problem. It's better, for now, to bury it so it doesn't hurt so much.
I'm not suicidal but I await the day I go to Heaven and no longer experience any negative human emotion. In the mean time, I've got a lot of plans for retirement.
Like patooski said, grief is really something.
Yes, I'm having nightmares. Have had them since Dad passed. Ugh. I'm exhausted! I tend to dream a lot anyway, but this is ridiculous. My husband and I plan to take a couple days off this week, and just re-charge and try to de-stress. We're going to a grief support group that's starting soon, as well. Hopefully that will help.
And...Dad's memorial was yesterday, and when I went up to thank one of the church members for his help, he told me he doesn't understand why people cry at funerals, and we should be happy instead. Ummm, what? Yeah, he said that. At Dad's FUNERAL! Made me feel like crap, as I had obviously been crying quite a bit. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but why the h3ll do people say stuff like that to the FAMILY, at a funeral???? Grrrr....
On the flip side, everyone else was amazing, and so many people shared their memories of Dad with us. I'm so thankful to the friends and unexpected people who have been supportive! :)
Gershun, if you make that movie, will you please cast my sister as the glaring one? She's perfect for the part! LOL... I have an aunt that's a hoot, though, she'll be the one oblivious to the tension, dancing around the table. And probably drunk. ;)
SueC - I'm really sorry about your mom and your son. Those are two incredibly tough things to deal with. I hope you have people you can lean on for support!
My sweet, loving, daddy passed peacefully today at 3pm.
He spent 2 days struggling for breath in the ER.
Mom's Alzheimers is advanced so she won't be sad.
I loved him so much.
My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.
Take care of yourself as you come to terms, wishing comfort to you and your family.
Pattyrnma - oh my goodness, you've dealt with a lot of grief! And I'm so sorry about your daughter! My deepest condolences on your loss. I'm glad you have support around you. All you can do is take it one day at a time, truly. I know the holidays are difficult, especially the first year you lose a loved one. Do whatever you need to do. (We're going out of state by ourselves for Christmas, I just can't handle being home this year without Dad.) Pattyrnma, I wish you peace and blessings.
I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. Thinking of you during this difficult time. Please know we are all here. Sending you love and hugs.
Stay with the Lord. He is a never ending gift in your life.
So sorry for your many losses, too much to bear without the Lord. Glad that you have the comfort of the Lord.
Yogagirl,
So sorry you have had to say goodbye to your dear sweet Dad. ~Hugs~ sending you thoughts of comfort and love.
Grief is a sneaky old thing. I went into the spare bedroom where my MIL died at our house on hospice. I was going to dig out Christmas decorations. Shucks. Here came a tear. There is still nothing in there almost 1 1/2 years later. Just a big flat screen t.v. nobody watches. I just shut the door again lol!
Then a tear and, if not "caught" in time, a flood of them. Quick, where's the Kleenex? After a quick eye dab (trying to save the mascara) and a blow of the nose, we can compose ourselves once more.
I try to look at these "episodes" as keeping the memory alive. With me, these moments are usually followed with a little "talk" to the one I'm missing. I tell them I know they are safe and happy with God and, when my time comes, we'll pick up where we left off. Then I try to divert back to whatever I was doing before I got distracted.
Maybe it's our loved ones' way of reminding us that they're still with us, in spirit instead of body.
I'm so sorry for your loss.