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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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My mom passed away at 92. But for several years before her passing her dementia, coupled with her just plain meaness personality had her re-hashing every bad thing she could think of. My sister & I (we are in our 60s) - who were devoted to our parents - were subjected to her anger over mistakes we made 40+ years ago.
We often did what we called "rattling the keys" - you know...when a baby is fussing and you rattle your ring of keys to distract the little sweetie & stop the crying? We'd "rattle the keys" at Mom - distract her with something totally off subject,,,asking her about something pleasant... asking about her wedding to our Dad or about her painting or even just asking what she'd like for dinner or one of the framed family photos on the table. Distract, distract, distract.
I'd also try "active listening" - smiling & nodding my head in agreement, but going to the beach in my head until the rant was over....Hey - it's a part of aging and there's no point in allowing stuff to raise your blood pressure.
End of story is that we made it through. Was able not to blow a fuse and Mom was able to vent in the only way she knew how.
Karen, at some stages, the repeating of things seems to be endless. Unfortunately, there's really no way to stop them from doing it, except of course, distraction, changing the subject, keeping him busy with some kind of busy work, playing music, etc. If he also seems to be overly anxious, I'd discuss it with his doctor. Medication might help, if he suffers from anxiety and the anxiety is promoting the obsession with something.
I will say that the repeating with my LO eventually stopped. She barely says anything now. While you are dealing with the repeating, I'd keep in mind that he does not know that he is doing it and telling him he's doing it, will just make him feel bad, since, he can't remember it.
Make sure to get yourself regular respite time. Being with the repeating long term can really play a number with your mind.
Once my LO and I were in the ER due to her sustaining a fracture and they had to do X-Ray and MRI, so we were there for many hours. Almost the entire day my LO (cousin) said, I love you, over and over. Of course, I had to say, I love you, too. So, those words were repeated over and over for at least 8 hours. I almost lost it. lol
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know its not easy being a caregiver. You are doing the best you can for your husband. But remember to look out for yourself as well. If you want to consider talking to a counselor, family therapist or joining a support group. There are so many resources in the community. Or consider getting some respite care as well.
I just found this group yesterday. Thank you SO SO much. Very difficult adjustment for me- 68 and my husband - 82. My stress is not doing either of us ant good.
People with dementia can get stuck in a loop on certain subjects. My mother forgets everything I want her to remember and remembers everything I want her to forget. I don't know if there is anything we can do to get them out of a loop. We can only decide how we'll respond -- listening, putting our brains in "mute" mode, walking away, or trying to distract. I use an assortment of these things.
In my mother's case the loops she gets caught in are attempts to explain her symptoms. It is easier to think we need work on the floors and foundation than to think her legs don't work so well anymore. I guess you could say it is trying to reassure herself that she is okay. It's just other things that aren't.
What was it in the event from 35 years ago that bothers your husband? My mother retells things from her childhood that she enjoyed. I could almost say these memories verbatim along with her. She uses the same words each time.
Distraction is the best approach. Once he starts on the subject, turn on the TV to a station that you know he enjoys watching. Or get out a photo album. Find something.
I can understand how tiresome it can be to hear the same topic over and over again, especially one that is no longer very interesting.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
We often did what we called "rattling the keys" - you know...when a baby is fussing and you rattle your ring of keys to distract the little sweetie & stop the crying? We'd "rattle the keys" at Mom - distract her with something totally off subject,,,asking her about something pleasant... asking about her wedding to our Dad or about her painting or even just asking what she'd like for dinner or one of the framed family photos on the table. Distract, distract, distract.
I'd also try "active listening" - smiling & nodding my head in agreement, but going to the beach in my head until the rant was over....Hey - it's a part of aging and there's no point in allowing stuff to raise your blood pressure.
End of story is that we made it through. Was able not to blow a fuse and Mom was able to vent in the only way she knew how.
I will say that the repeating with my LO eventually stopped. She barely says anything now. While you are dealing with the repeating, I'd keep in mind that he does not know that he is doing it and telling him he's doing it, will just make him feel bad, since, he can't remember it.
Make sure to get yourself regular respite time. Being with the repeating long term can really play a number with your mind.
Once my LO and I were in the ER due to her sustaining a fracture and they had to do X-Ray and MRI, so we were there for many hours. Almost the entire day my LO (cousin) said, I love you, over and over. Of course, I had to say, I love you, too. So, those words were repeated over and over for at least 8 hours. I almost lost it. lol
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know its not easy being a caregiver. You are doing the best you can for your husband. But remember to look out for yourself as well. If you want to consider talking to a counselor, family therapist or joining a support group. There are so many resources in the community. Or consider getting some respite care as well.
Very difficult adjustment for me- 68 and my husband - 82.
My stress is not doing either of us ant good.
In my mother's case the loops she gets caught in are attempts to explain her symptoms. It is easier to think we need work on the floors and foundation than to think her legs don't work so well anymore. I guess you could say it is trying to reassure herself that she is okay. It's just other things that aren't.
What was it in the event from 35 years ago that bothers your husband? My mother retells things from her childhood that she enjoyed. I could almost say these memories verbatim along with her. She uses the same words each time.
I can understand how tiresome it can be to hear the same topic over and over again, especially one that is no longer very interesting.