I know many of you give care in your home and some of us have parents in facilities.
Before my parent's moved into AL near me I did the holidays with them. As they aged we had to drive to pick them up and bring them to us.
the last four years every holiday including Birthdays has been our responsibility.
i have a sister who does pitch in when I need her but no holidays. I am thankful for her. the other sister who is retired never shows up. She comes every few months and pays a two hour visit
i would really love a Mothers Day to myself but no one is going to give up their special day.
i do Brunch so I can salvage part of the day for me. I have six grandkids in the area and love to spend time with them but of course I have to work my schedule around doing brunch.
is it wrong to be pissed at the one sister who has a grown daughter, is retired and has never given up one holiday to let me have one all to my self?
just venting. I am tired and exhausted. Dad has passed but this is hard because Mom is bed ridden so I am spending lots of time with her over the last few years.
Assuming not, you are wasting your energy with your sister.
Make every day with your Mom a special day. If you want to do something really special, do it on the day before or the day after and celebrate the “holiday” multiple times. Think about how married couples do it where there are 2 sets of parents and each parent wants their own special time on with the married couple on that “holiday”.
Thankfully, your Mom is in managed care where her needs are taken care of. Therefore you do NOT have to be there 24 x 7.
It is okay….celebrate the actual day around just yourself, then celebrate the day again with your Mom. It is kind of like having multiple birthday parties!
P.S. are the grandkids old enough so that you can celebrate Mother’s Day with all the generations together? Perhaps there is an activity room in the facility that would accommodate all of you? Most of the people in my Mom’s Memory Care unit would just be happy to watch all the activity. They don’t care about the cake or the food; they just want to be somewhere different that has happy people.
PPS. Please take care of yourself. Make the time with your Mom quality time and give some quality time to yourself too. I suspect you have reached burnout…
Grandma did all the family dinners. Then when she became too old my mom took over. When mom became too old, I took over.
It is exhausting. I grew tired of it and decided to stop hosting all of the holiday meals. Sometimes, we have to break cycles to find peace in our lives.
I didn’t ask my brothers or their wives to help. I just told my mom and brothers that I had enough to do caring for my mom and therefore; I was going to stop hosting all of the holiday meals.
LOL, my younger brother must not have taken me seriously because when Thanksgiving rolled around he called my mother and asked what time was I serving dinner. Mom said that she would get back to him.
Then mom said to me that he was expecting dinner. I told mom that he could expect dinner all he wanted but that I wasn’t going to be hosting large holiday gatherings any longer.
So, mom called him back and told him to feed himself because my cooking for the holidays were over.
My advice to you is to do the same. Why do something with resentment in your heart? Just quit hosting meals or host a potluck dinner party. I know plenty of families who do potlucks and love it!
Two other Boys out of state, who never call, on birthdays, or any of the holidays, who send a trinket of flowers on mothersday, other than than NOTHING, they could careless. As we all know this mothersday is 12 days away, I really dont think my best friend, and someone I truly do care for deeply, will make it to this day of celebration. I am so angry at the three of her children I bite my tongue.
I have been thinking when the Trinket of Roses gets delivered on Sunday May12, of just meeting the florest at the door and placing the item directly into the trash, as my dearest at this state will not know the reason for this sudden and unexpected gift. She does speak of her sons, I dont believe they ever give her a thought. The reason I believe my dearest is dying as she has been asleep for nearly 24hrs, I wipe her brow with a cool moist towel, and feed her ice chips to moisten her lips and tongue, her daughter has not even ventured in to check on her mom.
Yes, Im angry, Im hurt, and I have a broken heart. I just dont know how Im ever going to move on.
To: @Grandmaofeight
I can relate as I am hurt way beyond Pissed. "is it wrong to be pissed at the one sister who has a grown daughter, is retired and has never.....:
Of course, grandmaofeight hurts too. We all did when siblings don’t help. My siblings barely helped me when I had my mom in my house for 14 years.
I decided that it wasn’t worth my time and energy to be angry anymore. I had more important things to focus on besides my siblings who didn’t help.
You need to celebrate mothers day with your mom the day before or the weekend before. Take a picnic basket brunch to her and have a little party with just the two of you. Then on mothers day, have your own day. When the family (your sister) contacts you to say "hey what is the plan for mom on mothers day?" just tell her you have already celebrated with her, so whatever she chooses to do with her is her business.
Aside from being responsible for daily care, we are also supposed to be responsible for asking - repeatedly - for help. I'm tired of that, too. Very few volunteer offers from siblings come along, and when they do, they are considered saints. At this point, the key to happiness is not to expect a blankety-blank thing from anyone. I must remind myself of this every so often.
The mc where my mom lives is having brunch the Saturday before. Her meal is included, $20 for me to attend and eat. Completely worth it.
Can you visit her the day before and bring her a nice mother/daughter lunch to share ?
There are lots of caregivers out there to help out.
IDK if he'll get her a gift, there's not a dang thing she needs or wants.
Personally? I HATE this fake holiday with a mad vengeance. I will take flowers to mom and my grandma's graves and spend the day with a good book.
The last time we went out on Mother’s Day, a waitress accidentally bumped into me and dumped scalding hot coffee down my back! It hurt but I knew that it was an accident because she was rushed.
I was kind and told her that I understood. She nearly burst into tears and thanked me for not screaming at her. I felt more badly for her than myself having to work on Mother’s Day.
It’s so much nicer to go out on the Friday or Saturday before Mother’s Day.
Just a couple of hours. Then I will celebrate at home with my family.
We took Moms brunch over and I fed her then my six local grandkids came and raided the candy jar 😂
we came back to my home and we watched the kids while my son and DIL went to a movie.
i hope everyone had a wonderful Mothers Day and I feel for all who find this to be a sad and frustrating experience. It is truly terrible for so many