My sister was granted conservator for our mom who was diagnosed with dementia our mother passed away 2 years later. She had all conservator records sealed after a judge granted records to be unsealed. I discovered that she paid herself almost 8K a month she charged our mother rent , exterminator service, lawn service, laundry service, groceries, meds. Also misc items. My sister also had a tiny house built on her property for 15K for supposedly our mother to live in. Can she legally do this seems extremely excessive she received 96K a year out of our mother's funds. I already have a attorney was just curious on some feedback. The State is Georgia.
You should thank her for her sacrifice.
Maybe had I pushed when we married to be put on property titles but he had been burned by his ex, the only reason he had what he had was because it was his before they had married so she could not get to it.
Prime example why I tell people to get their "legal ducks in a row" before it gets to a point where options are limited or impossible.
Having a loved one with dementia being taken care of by someone else is a huge, tremendous gift. Accept this gift as is and let the expenditure inquiries go.
Your sister provided round-the-clock care along with safety and security measures for your mother. Your mother basically had her own private 'assisted living' residence on your sister's property also.
I'd say that 8 thousand a month was a pretty good deal considering what your mother was getting for it.
Would you feel better about the money if it was being given over to some nasty, gross, understaffed nursing home or memory care facility? You live in Georgia. Nice state. The cost of living is a little less than where I am in the northeast. Even with things costing a bit less, as far as nursing homes and memory care facilities go, your mother would be getting sub-par quality care for that money.
Your sister did right by your mother. Be glad of it. I did homecare for 25 years. Trust me, your sister did not have it easy. Be grateful that your sister made your mother's final years decent. She earned that money.
F.Y.I. The 8K a month is not considering "gifting" unless your mother went into a long-term care facility and Medicaid was applied for. So you going to a lawyer is only going to make your wallet a whole lot lighter for nothing because your sister did nothing wrong.
But EVERY expense that I had for him was documented and it had to have been approved by the court.
I was able to "charge" him rent, food, part of the cable, phone, electricity, gas, water, paper, mortgage, insurance and on and on and on.
And I did NOT charge him for "caregiving" (now that I think about it I probably should have asked about that!)
If there was ANY expense that did not "ring true" it was rejected and I had to resubmit the month's budget work to the Court and I had to write a check from my account to "reimburse" him until it was approved.
So my guess is your sister went through the same thing I did. If the $8000 a month was approved then she had documentation to prove those expenses.
You could have charged him for caregiving. If your husband wasn't put into a care facility why it is anyone's business what goes on between the wife and husband?
And if one of my family members said they would do it for my mom, 24/7 and I new mom was safe and happier than being in a facility, it would be priceless to me
What is the precise status on mom’s Estate? Like there was a will and it has been entered into probate? Who is named to be Executor and have they been issued Letters Testamentary? So Your attorney is a probate attorney who actually does litigation regularly in county where her probate has been filed and doing a “challenge” is still within however GA probate laws are administered?
OR
Mom died intestate? If so what has happened to deal with her estate? Does your atty do intestate work?
OR
Nothing has been done / opened at the courthouse AND your mom died with no house, land, cars or anything that could be considered real property of her ownership that requires a legal way to transfer title and do a distribution after death? Maybe mom died leaving a few thousand in her bank? But other than this, no “estate”? If this is the scenario, personally I think too too much time has passed to challenge spending your Sister did as a court appointed conservator. A few thousand in a bank account tends to be assumed to be funeral / burial related costs.
Why did you not file to become your mom’s conservator?
8K mo including any medical and drug copays isn’t excessive. In many parts of the US thats lower end for custodial care costs w/oversight.
Again, why did you not file to become your mom’s conservator years ago? If there were any issues that would call in question your or your household’s suitability to be a conservator, pls realize all this and in detail can come up if you try to sue Sissy. If there are skeletons in closet….. kids with juvee records, you or hubs were on any “at need” programs, crappy credit score, not working full time or lower end SSA retirement income, anyone in the household with DUI or other legal nonnice stuff, etc all easy to unearth.
If Sissy was court appointed, fwiw imo if you persue this, it is saying the judge who appointed her as conservator for years did not know what they were doing, that they were an idiot. It’s not a good look for you to present in a courtroom. Just sayin’.
Have you overlooked the most common reason why the OP is in the lawyer's office today over the money and why she didn't take on the caregiving duties?
The usual reason is the family member wants the money but doesn't want any of the caregiving responsibility.
I believe that's calling wanting to have your cake and eat it too.
Since your Mom lived with your sister, it sounds like your sister was your Mom caregiver 24/7 which can be physically and emotionally exhausting. It is not uncommon for a grown child to charge "rent" as having another person living in the house is added expense. Plus a grown child should NOT be using their own money to pay for things a parent needs, especially if the parent can afford to pay for her own groceries, medicine, personal care products, laundry, clothing, eyeglasses, etc.
When my Dad needed caregivers, he hired 3-shifts for each and every day. The cost was $20,000 per month, which works out to be $240,000 per year for our area. And that doesn't count the cost Dad paid for groceries, medicine, personal care products, laundry, eyeglasses, etc.
You mentioned you hired an Attorney. Is this Attorney an Elder Law Attorney?
Yes, it is 100% legal to be a landlord. Yes, landlords can rent to people in their family. Yes, landlords can charge whatever rent they want, and even forgive rent payments as they see fit.
Where were you while all this was going on? And why now are you trying to sue (I guess) your sister, or penalize her in some way? Why did you not care for your mother with dementia instead?
Makes me glad I was an only child, tbh, when I read all these stories about sibling wars. It's very sad.
My condolences on the loss of your mother.