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My mom's mom suffered a stroke & a feeding tube was placed. After her death we had a conversation & she told me that she never wanted to have a feeding tube if there was no chance to recover. I encouraged her to have her wishes expressed in her Advance Directive & she trusted me enough to have me as her MPOA. She had Alzheimer's & CHF. At the end (Hospice was called in) she was unable to swallow & take her meds for CHF. Because we had talked about her wishes, I knew it was time for her to be made comfortable & let Hospice lead the way. I knew that my mom was comfortable & that comforted me. I hope that you & her decision makers have a discussion about what she would have wanted. Make your best decision for her & be at peace with it. Best wishes in whatever is decided. Prayers sent to her & her family. 🙏💜 Please, anyone who reads this response speak with your family & fill out your Advance Directives so that your family will know your wishes & don't have to hesitate to make this type of decision. You can always update it as your health changes.
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I think it's a lot crueler to extend an elders life in THIS condition than to remove artificial feeding tubes and allow nature to take its course. If the original idea was to install the tube to see if she'd improve and she hasn't, then you have your answer. And hospice is there to provide comfort care, meaning, they will keep her comfortable and not hungry or suffering in any way until her heart stops beating on its own. To me, this is the very definition of dying with dignity and grace.

Never an easy decision, but one you should make as if you were making it for yourself. What would YOU want your end of life experience to be like, if you had the choice?

Sending you hugs and a prayer for peace.
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Llamalover47 Feb 2021
lealonnie1: You're so right. I knew I had done the right thing for my mother.
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I am not a doctor, but I can tell you this - Hospice knows their stuff. Hospice will not let your Grandmother suffer. One thing I did learn from them, when a patient is actively dying, having a feeding tube in them can actually cause them pain. I would never want one, but you know what your Grandmother wants more than anybody. There is no right or wrong answer here as far as what your Grandmother would think of you making this decision for her. She knows whatever it is you decide, it will be made with love. God bless
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This is just to comfort you, if your grandmother loses a lot of weight. My mom can still swallow, but she just doesn't eat much any more. She is hardly more than skin and bones now. She doesn't feed herself much anymore, and she often turns her head away or tells us "no more" when we try to feed her. I don't think she has felt hungry for a couple of years now. She eats out of a sense of duty, or because we ask her to. Not eating doesn't cause her discomfort or distress. People trying to feed her upsets her more.
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Ask yourself this question: What would your grandmother want? Most of us would prefer a painless hospice experience and a a peaceful slide into death rather than having tubes. The dying usually aren’t hungry so you don’t have to feel she is in pain.
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I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. My Mom went through a similar situation. She was 80 years old, had a massive stroke last Christmas left her paralyzed on one side, lost cognitive ability, and unable to eat except for swallowing a few spoons of pureed food a meal. Doctors recommended her to go to hospice. They gave up on her and needed to make room for Covid patients. They also wanted to know if I wanted her to have feeding tube. I decided against it because I had seen family members being bedridden for many years due to stroke. I would not want Mom to go through such horrific punishment. Mom passed in hospice a week ago. It was a very difficult decision, and I still believe it was what Mom would have wanted.
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You haven't been able to see her for almost a year???!!!! Does any of her family get to visit with her? How can you be expected to make decisions through other people? This is HELPING our seniors? It is cruelty! Can you not demand to see her so you can assess where to go with her care? Can she be brought home and cared for by hospice in your home? We were able to bring my mom home as she was able to afford nursing care and it has been a Godsend , even if difficult to care for. You need to be able to say goodbye and if she is stable and not suffering leave her as she is until you are able to be with her again.
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Why rush the situation. You said, “She is medically stable, not actively dying, and not rapidly declining.” You have answered your own question. Don’t try to be academic about her condition. You will know when it is time. Your love for her will tell you.
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