Why is it that the parent's favorite child frequently does little to no caregiving at all?

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Why is it that the parent's favorite child frequently does little to no caregiving at all?

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Man.. hearing this breaks my heart. What a terrible emotional situation to be in....
Explanation wise... you could be right. Its so darn easy to look down on people serving you so that could be one explanation... another possibility is that they sense your desire for acknowledgment of which they are incapable of providing and are reacting to that.... it could be a number of things.
Before i made the move and started caregiving for my parents solo (have 1 brother), I established my personal & emotional boundaries what I wanted and what I was willing to do / not willing to do. This helped me but that doesn't mean its not hard at times. I still have to enforce them.
My situation is different from yours by a huge margin. I was the favorite child and stepped up, and let my brother live his life with his family, since I dont have one.

My best advice would be to emotionally cut ties to that past situation, your sister and give up on the idea of attaining any remnant of acknowledgment from them or just being your amazing self. It kinda sounds like ur already doing that. Other than that, my heart goes out to you and sincerely wish you the best. You're worth more than what they've shown you anyhow. Best!

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One thought… the one who does the least also causes the least friction because they never have to say no! Therefore, they are more likable?

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That's right.....................no friction at all: that made her appear to be grateful and appreciative: my misjudgment of character! In reality, she just learned how to disappear and not be responsible for anything.

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GingerMay: Perhaps the answer lies in the premise that the golden child has falsely elevated themselves, e.g. 'placed on a pedestal' and therefore, may deem themselves unsuited for the difficult work that hands on caregiving requires. It doesn't make it right, of course.

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I’m my father’s caregiver and alleged Golden Child. ( An odious affliction)
In my experience, my father’s least favoured children(my siblings) decided I was to do the caregiving since I’m his favorite.

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But you didn't have to agree to do it. And why can't you change the situation now?

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My BIL would have told you that all his life growing up that my husband was the favored child. That was his perception because my husband is very non-confrontational and a rule follower. He rarely got in trouble because of those things, and my BIL assumed/saw that as “he is the favorite”. My BIL was always more of a rebel, more in your face, etc. At the end of my in-laws life, my husband and I provided care to them, as we lived the closest. What was very interesting that I can now see in hindsight is that my BIL became the Golden Child-simply because he was not around for the hard stuff. He didn’t have to tell them “NO, you can’t go off driving across the country in your car-it’s not safe.” “No it’s not safe for you to drive your car at all.” etc. My husband became the bad cop and my BIL who would call weekly or visit yearly became the favored one. BUT we saw it for what it was and used it to our advantage. We made him the money manager. He also had back us up on those hard decisions-like he flew down when it was time to give up the car and since “it was his idea” it went over much more smoothly. So my advice is to leverage it!

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'Why is it that the parent's favorite child frequently does little to no caregiving at all? I frequently read where it is the case, and I see it happening in my own experience with my parents. '

That is definately NOT the case, in my experience. Bottom line is, the siblings that help, are the ones who help, and the ones that don't help, are the ones that don't help. That, is in my opinion, the only true generalization one can make.

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Sometimes we do things just because they need to be done, not for the status or appreciation we get for them. It's best not to compare yourself to your older sister. How would you want to be treated as an aging parent? Are they neglecting things that they should be doing? Do they really need all things you were doing for them, or are they still able to handle things on their own? Maybe they don't want to burden you. You can make sure that they know that you are available to help if they ask for it and need it, and leave it at that.

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You do it for God's glory, nobody else's. Don't step back. At the end of the day or a life you will feel the pride and have no regrets. What others choose to do or not do is on them. Keep on keeping on. Your a good soul and God knows it. Best of luck to you!

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Interesting observation(s). I would say that 'just being' is enough for those golden kids to be crowned king and queen adult children. Who knows. It could have something to do with the other children 'trying' harder to be 'good' in order to gain the attention they deserve / want / crave (as children growing up) and they can never measure up due to how the parent(s) feels.
Although possibly your question here could be rephrased HOW DO I FEEL OKAY in this situation? From personal experience, there came a time when I had to learn to fill that parental 'hole of love' in myself by myself. It is a process - of focusing on self-care. You may not 'need or want this emotional / psychological hole filled' although others reading this might. My sister was favored, too. She was the first born and I came 363 days later (we are a year less two days apart). Empathy. I had to learn self love and self and other compassion and empathy on my own. In fact, I had to learn how to develop in healthy ways by myself, learning how to be my own inner parent. It is a process that never ends although I am very aware of myself and the choices I make. Life isn't fair. Parents aren't trained to be 'good' parents. (Although I feel there needs to be schooling for parents. Unfortunately, parents bring their own baggage to the 'family table' if they don't work on themselves and most do not work on themselves (nor see any reason to). Most people are unconscious walking through life . . . until it hurts so much we do what we have to do to change. I learned COMPASSION for my mother as a healing process for myself. She did the best she could with the skills, life experience, wounding she had. While much of her ... teachings were negative reinforcement which I had to undue for myself to the best of my ongoing abilities, I likely came am a much better person because of it --- revering nature, the Redwoods, learned who I am to my core... it took / takes ongoing inner work to heal and be the person we want / envision ourselves to be. Gena

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we are three daughters and I’m the oldest. Our parents are pushing 94 and live in the house we grew up in. They have a lot of needs. My mother’s favorite daughter has recently decided to check out and provides minimal help these days. She breezes in and out having her visits with mom and dad and leaves the rest to the two of us. I’ve started to resent it. I recently hired a part time caregiver for 6 days a week for 4 hours a day. I deliberately chose to give the caregiver her one day off, as the day my sister does not work. I asked her to fill in that day knowing full well she could not justify to me why she can’t do it. So she does knowing full well that the two of us are in the trenches. Makes me feel better knowing she is doing something. As far as being moms favorite, I never wanted to compete. She can wear the crown, no biggie for me.

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Why is it that the parent's favorite child frequently does little to no caregiving at all?

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