My father has dementia (diagnosed). He seems perfectly normal most of the time, except for being slightly forgetful. However, there is one very concerning symptom. He's making up these elaborate stories. My mother died nearly 10 years ago and he was content on not looking for someone. Now that he has dementia he has been searching Facebook and every week he tells me he has a new "girlfriend". My siblings and I have noticed on multiple occasions that the conversations he has with these girls are one-sided. He messages them literally hundreds of times and they never reply. The conversations are sometimes dirty, but very detailed. One time he even said he was supposed to meet a girl, but couldn't find her house. They were then going to meet at a public place, but she never showed up. When we have tried to "call him out" on these conversations, he makes up excuses such as "it was just there, they deleted the conversation" or "they're using a fake name". This is really strange because his every day life is completely normal, except for these stories.
My siblings have been discussing deleting his Facebook, but there are mixed thoughts on that. I know of at least one conversation where a woman replied and threatened to call the cops on him, but she blocked him instead. Other times they don't see his messages at all because they're not friends on Facebook or they just outright block him. He then approaches one of us to say he "accidentally blocked someone" and we explain that, no, in fact they blocked him. I don't want him to end up in jail or robbed.
Advice?
Call dad's doctor. He should be tested for a UTI which can cause behavioral symptoms in the elderly with no other signs.
If UTI is ruled out, get dad to a geriatric psychiatrist to figure out the best way to treat these delusions.
Delete Facebook if his behavior stays the same.
Get him checked and seen as Barbbrooklyn said. This could easily be treated and if not, you now have better information with which to make decisions.
It’s a shame but why put him at risk for this type of aggravation? There are other ways of communication besides Facebook. If Facebook becomes more of a nuisance than a help or pleasure, it doesn’t make sense to keep it.
You have valid concerns regarding this matter.
As I stated earlier, do tell his doctor about any behavior changes and they can advise what they feel is best. It’s always helpful and wise to get objective advice from his professional medical staff as needed. Best wishes to you and your family.
I am surprised they haven't already.
Yeah, it’s kind of like giving a child something that he isn’t ready for. It’s our responsibility to keep our children safe.
Elderly parents become like our children and we are responsible for them because sometimes they are losing the ability to make proper decisions for themselves.
Role reversal. We become our parent’s parents and they become the children.
Is there a way that you could set it up just like you would do for a young child? My little grand son is on FB and I KNOW my daughter has pretty tight control. I do not "do" FB so I don't know what controls there are but I know they are there. Just like on my remote for the TV there are channels I can block.
(This is what you really needed isn't it...advice on FB from someone that is clueless! ;) )
“Dementia” means a disordered thought process, so for you to perceive that “he seems perfectly normal most of the time” or “his every day life is completely normal” may be allowing you to give him a pass that isn’t safe for him to have. “Dementia” is different from person to person, but the overall impact is definitely global. His recently observed change in behavior is certainly potentially an unsafe situation for him, and by your observation reveals his current inability to assess his actions in an appropriate way.
Could one of his children “share” his online time with him, while providing you with the ability to observe what he’s doing? Would it be feasible for you to say that the price of his service is too much for him to be on for long periods of time? Are there any distractions that could be used to get him away from his cyber tools?
If he has dementia, no one can really know if “he makes up excuses” or instead, if that is his reality in a given moment, or as a reaction to his belief being challenged.
Calling him out probably won’t be much of an advantage to him or to you.
His doctor needs to know about this, and a physical exam with labs (urinalysis for UTI) might hopefully give you some more clues to what’s going on. Slip a note to the receptionist in the doctor’s office mentioning that his actions have drastically changed.
my dad going thru this in independent living. He’s been there 5 years but all of a sudden he has to have a woman. Dr gave him anti depressant to suppress the compulsive behaviors and says this happens, depending on what part of the brain is deteriorating . At least he is just online and not in a facility where there the opposite sex is available.
There is more harm in him keeping it. There isn’t any true benefit to him having it. At this point in time he isn’t able to use it responsibly so it makes perfect sense to remove the temptation.
Absolutely tell his doctor of this and any other behavior changes. Best wishes to you and your family.