Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
What medications is your mother on? Many meds manifest into hallucinogenic thoughts. My mother saw "body on the floor, guy hopped out of his bed to help her (he wasn't a staff member) and he went back to his hotel." All of that was untrue.
My mom just showed me the little people who live below their one story assisted living. She moved all of her things so they could not grab them. Her comment and other recent activity have moved her to the level of memory care. We tried keeping my parents together but it is not working. I went along with her as she has started hallucinating and tried to calm. My beautiful, energetic, intelligent mother has left us. Her father who was a mean man has replaced her spirit. But until the end, we will be there for her. Find an assisted living that can watch the daily living. I cannot do it 24/7 a day. I tried and nearly lost it.
Your post makes me very sad. Brings back memories of my mom who was always “in charge” of our little family, who began claiming men (always men) were sleeping inside her bed, between the mattress and the frame and coming through secret passages in her closet. I knew then it was time for the lock-down. Very, very hard for us to accept, but so necessary for their safety. Sending peace and prayers for you and your family.
It all depends on the delusion - when my mom came out with 'your father is a real bastard... he didn't even go to his own brother's funeral' & I answered 'yes he did and so did you and the reason I know is because I was there too' this ended this 'memory' - but others she made them bigger & bigger until a small incident was nearly life threatening & we would have been better off stopping it at the beginning
If the delusion is one that harms nobody then go along but if it starts to be something that causes a rise in BP then it should be gently stopped - it helps if you were at the original incident & can say that isn't how you remember it - save your breathe for when you really need it
Teepa Snow is a great resource! Also try "The Best Friends" methods (Bell, Troxel, Cox and Hamon) These people are professionals who have helped many people with Alzheimer's ( and other types of dementia) and their families. All about honoring the personhood of those with cognitive impairments.
How to deal with this may have to do with whether the delusion involves a request for action that is either inappropriate or impossible. For example, my father wanted me to call the staff to put him back in bed, as he was tired of standing. I responded that he was already in bed, and when he questioned this I explained that I was standing perpendicular to him and my feet were flat on the floor. He eventually bought this, especially after I asked "Dad, have I ever lied to you?" Another time he insisted someone had taken his guns out of his room, and I had to explain that they were never here, they were locked up at home. He said "well, bring them here to show me" and of course this wasn't an option, especially in this day and age. Perhaps I could have taken a dated photograph to show him, but eventually he dropped the subject.
If the delusion causes distress, anxiety or violence then it must be addressed. Other delusions can be taken in stride. Ask what the people in the corner are saying...if it is harmless then go along with it. If the people in the corner are threatening then you need to address the situation. If they are having a party and it is a happy occasion ask for a piece of cake. If the cat talking to her is telling funny stories or making her smile, ask what the joke is. If she thinks you are trying to poison her or you are an intruder and she comes at you with a knife you need to act immediately.
By all means don’t try to dissuade your LO who has delusions. Useless to do so. The only thing I do is to state: “Yes, you already told me about that,” and then I’ll change the subject.
All good answers. Having seen the real delusions, it is true, nothing on earth will dissuade them. In fact, if the logic breaks through the delusion, they will change their story. If in fact they realize you are right the sky is blue, well then guess what it is blue now, but that is only because you happened to look in a different spot in the sky. I have a theory that if you catch a delusion before it takes on too many details and embellishment, you can put it on a side track and steer that train to a different station. Often the longer it goes on, the more entrenched it became, with my Dad anyway. My theory is that since he can't remember what is going on, he makes a story that fits what his senses observe. He doesn't trust the judgement of anyone in the room because they are all younger and therefore not reliable so the more he hears he's wrong, the more attacked he feels. try to never say she's wrong.... and as I write this I realize how often I could not follow my own advice. To feel safe, you need to get them to believe certain facts, so you try to explain. It's a rabbit hole. Do look up Teepah Snow, I think I will too.
I went along if it wasn't important - I listened to what DH had to say. If he was worried, I tried to dissuade him from the delusion; like he thought people were walking in and out of the house all the time. But I also told him that if he saw dead people walking around, they wouldn't hurt him. He came from a very large family and I expected someone to come to see him.
Just keep your loved one as calm as you can. Calm is more important that worrying about the delusion.
Check out Teepa Snow on YouTube. She will give you techniques on how to respond to mom in a way that helps her move on from the moment that is causing her (and you) distress. You may have noticed that trying to explain away her delusion doesn’t work.
There’s nothing gained by trying to dissuade your elder with dementia. Nor to get involved too deeply in the delusion. Acknowledge you heard her story and then change the topic. The delusion is real to the person with dementia.
Owise, part of the dementia journey includes delusions and hallucinations. My mother had so many of them I lost track. At first, before I studied up on dementia, I would try to dissuade her. “Oh, Mom, you know no one is coming through your walls or sleeping under your bed!” I would get a blank or confused look or she would argue with me. Nothing was gained.
When someone has dementia, we say their brain is “broken”. They firmly believe that what they see or hear is really happening because in their broken brain, it really is. It would be like someone telling you the sky is not blue, it’s green.
You say in your profile that Mom still lives on her own. Good for her, but as she goes further along on this dementia journey, she will need more and more supervision. The stove can accidentally be left on. She might wake up one night and decide she’s in a strange place and wander out. You may want to start considering future plans for her.
You also mention your own stresses. It’s no shame to seek therapeutic support. Many of us have.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If the delusion is one that harms nobody then go along but if it starts to be something that causes a rise in BP then it should be gently stopped - it helps if you were at the original incident & can say that isn't how you remember it - save your breathe for when you really need it
Other delusions can be taken in stride.
Ask what the people in the corner are saying...if it is harmless then go along with it.
If the people in the corner are threatening then you need to address the situation. If they are having a party and it is a happy occasion ask for a piece of cake.
If the cat talking to her is telling funny stories or making her smile, ask what the joke is.
If she thinks you are trying to poison her or you are an intruder and she comes at you with a knife you need to act immediately.
I went along if it wasn't important - I listened to what DH had to say. If he was worried, I tried to dissuade him from the delusion; like he thought people were walking in and out of the house all the time. But I also told him that if he saw dead people walking around, they wouldn't hurt him. He came from a very large family and I expected someone to come to see him.
Just keep your loved one as calm as you can. Calm is more important that worrying about the delusion.
You may have noticed that trying to explain away her delusion doesn’t work.
When someone has dementia, we say their brain is “broken”. They firmly believe that what they see or hear is really happening because in their broken brain, it really is. It would be like someone telling you the sky is not blue, it’s green.
You say in your profile that Mom still lives on her own. Good for her, but as she goes further along on this dementia journey, she will need more and more supervision. The stove can accidentally be left on. She might wake up one night and decide she’s in a strange place and wander out. You may want to start considering future plans for her.
You also mention your own stresses. It’s no shame to seek therapeutic support. Many of us have.