Hello again friends - This is a long story/update, thanks for reading.
For starters, if you remember me I posted about my mom having a stroke at 66 and going into a nursing home at the end of last year. We moved her from 2 hours away to ten minutes from us. Her recovery has been sort of uplifting actually, she’s still somewhat immobile but is intermittently doing therapy, eats regular food, and is properly medicated for her mental issues. We were also on our hustle with cleaning out her house and sold it in late spring.
But now Grandma is in a decline. She is 89 and has lived in A/L over two years now. She has dementia and it used to be mild/slow going but this year it has majorly increased the amount of delusional things she experiences and is affecting her daily life. I started touring LTC facilities here to see if I thought any would be a better fit than where my mom is. Mom and Grandma haven’t seen each other in 5 years and I have concerns that it might be stressful for them to be in the same nursing home. But it would be easier for me. I’m also having second thoughts on moving her near me at all. If I moved her to LTC in her current city that would mean my aunt/uncle and cousin who visit occasionally still would, when I doubt they’ll visit hardly at all with a 2 hr drive. But I only see her once a month, sometimes every two months now and if I moved her I’d try to go weekly as I do with Mom. I’m nervous about switching her to living here where I don’t have a feel for our hospital systems, having not had to use them except to birth my kids. But they are similar sized cities and probably about the same. Currently it’s pretty stressful to coordinate getting over there to take her to appointments and any time she’s been sent to the hospital she’s alone. My aunt/uncle don’t do anything involving her care, except listen to me when I call to discuss it with them. They said ok to the idea of me moving her if it helped “ease my burden” but I don’t know if it will ease it or increase it. It’s bound to increase either way though, knowing what a state she’s been in. Her AL has been kind of lackluster with their communication, so it’s hard and I want to get her moved somewhere before too long. Maybe there are details I’m not thinking of, but let me know what you think.
For me, that would be having them in my town, and if possible, the same facility.
If you are her PoA then I would move her to the same facility as your Mom. Is your Mom currently in AL? Or LTC? They probably won't be in the same section, anyway. Sounds like your Grandmother is a MC candidate...?
Has your Grandmother been assessed an medicallly needing LTC? If not, this is a conversation to have with her physician. Medicaid pays for LTC but one has to qualify both medically and financially for it, "we" don't get do decide that someone needs it. It's either the doctor or the facility.
or Memory Care. Her mobility is the biggest factor in that.
I don’t understand why your aunt/uncle whoever is your grandmother’s child(ren) are not the ones dealing with this .
In all honesty , you should tell them you have enough on your plate with your own Mom and young family. Your grandmother’s child( ren ) , your aunt/uncle need to take over the reins for their mother .
Maybe they could spend time together and that would help ease your burden and help them be a little less lonely. Which would be good for all of you.
If you are going to keep doing what you are doing for grandma make it work for you and forget about what anyone thinks. You obviously have a good head on your shoulders and know what is what. Odds are your Uncle and Aunt wouldn't visit very at a LTC, they are hard to visit for some people and them not visiting often at the AL means the LTC wouldn't agree with aunties allergies;-(
Think what you could do with the 4 hours travel time saved.
her home. She would likely go on a different floor at this facility, and I only briefly floated the idea to Mom, she’s not THAT out of it, she’s aware I’m both of their POA’s so it’s not something I have to dwell on but not possible/necessary to hide it. What it boils down to is, is I have a small
family and they’re lucky I was capable to step up for them. The reason they haven’t seen each other in so long was due to my stepdads poor health before he passed and my mom’s undiagnosed stuff. She avoided any gathering they were invited to after Covid basically.