I really want my grandmother to branch out--and to cut back the TV! Has anybody solved this problem?

With today's technology, get her a tablet (on sale $29) 7inch. Set it up so she can IM friends / family and see them. This may pick up her spirits. Home Phone, get rid of and get her Magic Jack to feed off the internet and can still use a cordless landline with the base plugged into the modem. Get her the internet and a smart tv or the roku stick ($29) to feed off the internet. There are soooo many educational videos on Youtube and she can watch on TV. I got rid of cable and we have Netflix and Amazon ($20 a month) in addition to all the free streaming channels. Mom has a better quality of life and I can breathe.

My mom was one to run around town, taking care of grandkids, get out of the house and do things type person. Before her Stroke happened. Hospital let her go home. She walked into her house. Made it home after 2 day hospital stay. Fell again. A year and a half ago, she was a different person. Rehab and Home Health and our family tried to get her up and walking again, but she just didn’t or couldn’t do it. We would basically try to drag her across the room, trying to get her motivated to walk. PT cut her off as failure to improve by insurance. We tried ourselves a little while longer, but her left side is just not coming back. She just wants us to leave her alone and stop pushing her to do things. She fights me even on baths. Now we get her out for doctors appointments, hair or nail appointments, or lunch or dinner out maybe once a week. She really has no desire to get her left side going or moving again. She had diabetes, high blood pressure/and some mental health issues she is now stabilized and living with us along with step/dad/inlaw, Who is alcoholic, smoker, and multiple other internal stomach/back issues who constantly has to be taken to VA/ Drs appointments weekly. He hacks, coughs, all night. They are only 64 and 62 respectively. I know this is young. We see people older moving around, cooking, walking, etc. 3 out of 4 of my husbands and my parents, are disabled and only in their 60s. My own father had a stroke, several years ago, lives with his mother further away, but he can walk with walker, but his mom at 89, still cooks for both of them. All he does is watch Tv, now. They prefer not to really go anywhere. Other than necessary appointments . Bathing is a fight, so we compromise. Just do the best we can. To me I’ve learned taking care of my mom, to make it less stressful, as she is not going to get better, unless she wants to, to just let her watch TV. It’s hard for my younger sisters to understand sometimes, but they don’t live with her and see her everyday. Their kids are all younger. My boys are pretty much grown up. We take Stepdad in for his VA treatment and it so crowded in the hospitals sometimes they have no beds available. My mom did not want to be at Rehab. She fell out of bed trying to get up and leave. She had been refusing meds and food, because it was hard for her to swallow. We ended up putting a feeding tube in her to get her meds in her. I told her if she wants to come home, she needs to take her meds and be able to swallow food. So she allowed the feeding tube, we got her eating, and complying with taking the meds. It’s hard watching a person who was so active become inactive, but at some point we just have to accept what they are now. If you haveNetflix, I recommend the episode San Junipero from Black Mirror. If only our medical system could be better. I just look at it, as at least we still have them, for now, as I have seen a couple people in their 50s - a neighbor mom of one of our boys’ HS friends and a cousin of my mom’s pass away this past month. Sorry to ramble, but the point is maybe just accept hercondition and let her watch the TV if it makes her happy. There is a whole world of channels to teleport, learn and entertain. Sometimes when people are alone, I’ve found out they just like the noise, too.

I read this kind of letter here quite often. A young person is concerned about an elder who 'doesn't do anything' - no walking, socializing, square dancing, community college courses, volunteering. Leading a quiet sedentary life, watching tv all the time.....Look, with age comes slowing down, physical problems, and yes, depression. I notice in myself a change, it's hard to 'get up and do something' sometimes. There may be various remedies, like 'more vitamins!' 'Join clubs!' 'Hang out at church socials!' But a lot of elderly, their friends are gone or disabled, their families are far-flung or estranged, their neighborhoods are changing (in my town, all the 'olds' are dying off and the houses being rented out by the offspring, cheap, to any number of sketchy sorts - my father literally would not recognize his old neighborhood now if he was still alive!).....I think LW is kind to worry about grandma, but other than offering to walk with her or take her places - the library, for a meal out, to a movie, or a baseball game - if she doesn't want to go, it could be just her baseline personality.....The real go-getters in life, the energetic, the extroverts, the busybodies, the people who used to run the committees, oversee employees, run the PTO and booster clubs, who used to travel, go skiing, play sportsball, were involved in 101 things.....those are the senior citizens who are currently being more of what LW wishes grandma was. Those senior citizens find it hard to sit home, sedentary, watching tv - they are wired to get up, get going even if they have ailments. They find a way. Every retired volunteer I've ever met, the ones at the reception desk at the hospital, the hospital gift shop, the ones visiting patients and delivering magazines and flowers (like candy stripers used to) to the rooms has been like that. Live wires who are only happy to keep on going.....You can't really nag or worry about elders who are the opposite. It's the way they are. They could be introverts who don't like noise and dealing with people. They can no more be changed than you can tell 'a live wire' taking the bus 20 miles a day to volunteer at a nursing home that they should 'quit and stay home watching Judge Judy' all day, that would annoy them immensely. It's the way they are....   I don't think one type is superior to another type, just my opinion.  All my life I've been a quiet introvert who loves to read.  If someone asked me to plan their wedding or take up water-skiing, they would be barking up the wrong tree.     Conversely, my go-getter relative on a vacation simply can't sit on a beach looking at the waves, he has to be sky-diving, hiking, deep sea fishing, or riding a zip line over a canyon!

I've kept working, partly to keep busy. After my husband passed in 2004, I had the TV on in the house almost all the time I was at home just to have the sound in the house. After about a year, I had a friend move into the house with and then when the TV died we didn't bother to replace it. Since then I rarely watch TV; the last four years I have been living with a daughter and her husband has it on when he's home. But then, I did get into computers, and between that, work, church activities, and reading, the TV is something I could live without.Different people have different interests and energy levels.

The only thing you can do with an aged inactive person is leave them be. Join in on the dog walk but don't push anything else. You will only encounter resistance and that leads to quarrelling. Just take care there are not too many meds prescribed.

Before giving her medication for depression, try making sure that she is not deficient in any vitamins or minerals which can account for depression. Not getting any sunlight or Vit D will do that too. The longer she remains inactive the sooner she will lose to the ability to be active at all. The Area Agency on Aging where I live has volunteers, who visit the elderly called "Caring Circles" They may clean for them or help them shop or play cards, just about whatever the housebound person wants. Just a thought. Also, I just posted a question of my own concerning my mother's square dance club...
My 89-year-old mother lives in SE Portland and belongs to a square dance club that meets once a week, sometimes more, they also give lessons, in Milwaukie, OR. The dancing is really not that physically demanding because they slide their feet most of the time. It might be taxing at first for someone new to it. Only you and your Grandmother would know if she is physically capable of this, but the 25 to 30 other octogenarians in this square dance club have kept relatively healthy and fit and I think that is due more to the camaraderie than anything else. But, my Mom does like to square dance. Always has. It's kinda perky music.
I don't know if it is appropriate to share telephone numbers, but I will find out. I thought if you discussed this with her and the two of you thought it might be something she would at least like to check out, that I could put you guys together with my Mom, the secretary of the Square Dance Club, which for the life of me, I can't remember the name at the moment.

Thanks Evermore. Agree 100 percent

You didn't come across as harsh, Erinm. It's tough when dealing with anybody who really doesn't do much of anything except TV no matter how old they are.

Hi evermore. I can never tell who is responding to whom here ( correct?). Who whom ? I was not offended at all. Appreciate your input.  Sorry for coming across so harshly.  

Erinm60, I didn't direct that to you. I didn't mean offense, it's hard when my grandmother is over and all she wants is Fox News on the big screen TV and we have blocked the channel and tell her the almighty no because it causes her panic attacks by watching Fox news.

If that was directed to me Evermore. That's something I would never ever do. She's still my mom. She let me watch Casper the friendly ghost . Probably over and over again. No , i appreciate your comments. But no I just can't . That's part of my and probably many others problems We just can't be what would be perceived as mean to them by them. .

I feel your pain RainbowPrism. My 87 year old grandmother lives alone and is always watching Fox News. I personally find Fox News distasteful because it's fear mongering and right wing propaganda. She hardly leaves her house anymore except to go grocery shopping, doctors appointments and to get her nails done. But Fox News and not getting involved in anything has cost her a great deal. She panics over everything, lost a lot of social cues and has become incredibly selfish. This woman used to travel and do a lot of things but I don't know what happened that made her so disinterested. Crap, I know people in their 90's that are still traveling and do tons of other things. If she lives with you and you pay the cable bill, set the timer on the TV to limit the TV watching. When it goes off, tell her she has to find something else to do.

Lassie. I agree so much. When my daughter comes down to kitchen in the morning to make her breakfast. She wears head phones. She says it's so stressful. I tried to get her to watch Blue Bloods. She likes the religious theme in that show. She did once. She's just fixated on that channel. She now sleeps with Fox on. I don't think she understands all of the viewing. She couldn't follow the ( lack of better word) ticker tape on election night. Presidential race was above state/ local results. She asked me to explain that. What's really strange is she was a life long democrat. Loved President Kennnedy.

Lawrence Welk 24/7. JK

You might try to get her to watch some beautiful nature shows, maybe get her some DVDs - music shows? Lawrence Welk is kind of stretching it, but what did she like when she was younger? Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett. I think if she's going to be watching TV up to the bitter end, she might as well watch something nice and inspiring and uplifting. The sheer ugliness and hate of Fox News is a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy in their dotage.

Hi Herbalist. Thanks for your input. I'm going to approach Fox News on now 24 hours a day differently. You are correct. My mom is 79. Travelled the world twice. Has dementia. Goes no where. What else entertains her. Except the dog of course. But thank you. I'll be less annoyed Trying really hard to be less annoyed.

Why? Television can be relaxing, educational, and serve as a friend to those who are ready to settle down and enjoy their golden years on their own terms. I don't understand why young people always think older people should do more. We've been there, done that. Respect your gramma and leave her alone. If you want to do something, do it. We're tired. Lol.

Tired1of4: There is a certain number of hours when you can edit or delete. In this case, I told the OP to let her loved one watch TV because the time to edit or delete had passed. Hope I answered your question.

Erin -- ha ha! And Eddie Van Halen is on the cusp of nursing-home age now. My how time flies! 📺🎸🛏

My goodness. How time flies. I remember about 25 years ago going to visit my husbands grand parents in a nursing home. They had MTV on. Oblivious to eddy Van Halen they just had to have noise

My mom never watched much TV, but she did read and now she is not interested in reading. She has no interest in any social activity. My dad watches a lot of TV, but sleeps though a lot of it. I do see signs of depression in both of them, but they would chop off their arm rather than admit it.
I would say if the TV was a life long habit, you have to just accept it.
If she IS depressed, she may not admit it to the doctor - but you could ask her doctor to mention it on her next visit ( if you are not in the room, she might tell him)

There's an old saying" you can't teach an old dog new tricks". Just let her do what she wants. If she was social she'd figure out a way to do it.

Give up!! Stop trying to get inside your grandmother's head. This is a generation thing - people forget that when your grandmother was growing up, two generations ago, the leisure-inactivity of old age was perceived as a "reward" for surviving to old age, which in those days was 65-70 years. It really is a pointless and thankless battle! And how sure are you that she is experiencing depression rather than resisting you?

My mother was never much of a TV watcher. She preferred reading (murder mysteries) and playing freecell on her computer (she was good!). These decreased and disappeared as the Alzheimer's progressed. At the very end, when she was bed bound and rarely speaking, she was watching some TV. Her favorite show was Curious George and Wild Kratts. But especially Curious George. I know because when I was in her room she always looked at me with a happy smile. Except when Curious George was on then she looked around he at him. LOL

Ok, I just made myself cry. I miss her so much!

Okay, now, Lassie, I have to say that most of the lamestream media news (CNN and PMSNBC in particular) is far more "vomitous" than Fox, lol. But to each his own. I don't know how anyone can sit in front of regular TV for any length of time, day or night, anyway. I use it to catch the local weather or news but mostly to fall asleep by. The internet is far more entertaining any day for me.

.... just curious lama, and complety off topic .. but how does one retract comments? (There's been a couple I've made that I would rather remove... so honestly how does one do that? I see no options to remove

jeannegibbs: It was my bad...shouldn't have said it...

Lassie. Agree 200 percent. My husband and I had so much fun. For so long. Then some how I'm not 23, and he's not 27. Jeez he's 61 and I'm 56. And we watch Mannix and the original Hawaii 50 and are pretty happy with that

It's really sad, but you know, there are elderly 'unicorns' who run marathons and do wonderful things up till they're 100, and then there are the rest of us. Life winds down at a certain point. My younger friends can't understand why I don't want to go out to bars and go visiting people and all that stuff - 1) I have lost my energy, I am actually, really, no-kidding TIRED and achey much of the time, 2) I don't like to drive after dark, it's not a cliche, I really hate driving after dark. My eyes are going bad. 3) The thought of karaoke and plowing through the mall Christmas shopping and having cocktails and listening to a band - I don't mind once in a while, but please, not at night. My energy is low at the end of the day, I can't drink and whoop it up as if I'm in my 20's again. I like to put on something comfortable in the evening and read, watch a movie, or work on a hobby, I don't feel like I'm 'missing' a thing 'out there'! That's what age does to you. We all adjust in our own way. Some of us are like The Golden Girls, out and about in the community and going on dates and having a whoopie! life. Some of us are unfortunates vegging in front of the vomitous Fox news. Or game shows, or Kartrashians.... Most of us are in between. We've been there, done that. Though someone comes and pick us up, drives us somewhere to a play or concert, arrange something fun? We are pretty often game up for it. (oh, what I wouldn't give to see The Who or Led Zeppelin again!!!) But Just telling us we should get up, get out there, do stuff? Shut. UP !

RayLinStephens, my mom really liked weekly bingo in the nursing home. A large number of people did. And when a civic group or church organized a second session in some weeks many residents were very glad. My mother liked bingo as a much younger lady, too. I think that just being in a room full of other people having a good time is pleasant for many. And many like the aspect of gambling -- even if the prize is only a candy bar.

Not all residents liked bingo. They stayed in their rooms. Perhaps they watched television -- I don't know.

Given a choice between getting dressed to go out and play bingo or to sit at home in my comfortable recliner and watch movies or television, or better yet, to read, I'd choose to stay home every time. Maybe it would be "good for me" to get out and play a (to me) boring game of chance, I don't know. I do belong to two book clubs and I do get out to those meetings. I'm conscious of not isolating myself. But as an introvert I really need a whole lot less interaction to be satisfied than an extrovert might.

RainbowPrism wants to know how to get her GM active. There have been several suggestions of activities to encourage, and who knows, something that RainbowPrism hasn't thought of yet might click. I question the premise that doing anything is better than watching television.