I have a grandma who, all her life, has never completed any goals, had to work independently, or really do anything ambitious (her exact words). All she does and has done is sit in front of the TV all day and night and walks her dog for 15 minutes a day. All her friends are far way, she has no hobbies or obvious interests. It's obvious she has depression, and I sympathize for her greatly. She already looks a lot older than she is and you can tell she is full of regrets. Every month I send her classes being offered at the local Community College for non-credit AND for cheap. She has no interest in any of them. I try having her help me with volunteering, but she never takes my offers up. As one with diagnosed depression, I've found myself in similar slumps, but this slump hasn't been going on for over 40 years! I really, really want my grandmother to branch out--and to cut back the TV! Spending many hours in front of the screen is obviously detrimental to her health, and it's blatantly showing. I really need tips. Has anybody here had similar problems? If you have, did you solve the problem or is it just pointless? I'd love to see what you guys come up with. :)
I had to accept that at 95, 16+ hours sleep daily is normal.
"You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink." Sometimes we just gotta let them have their own way.
Llamalover47, did you think I was being sarcastic? I am sincerely interested in why you consider bingo better than television.
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this issue with several of my elders. I learned that you can't change or convince them.Let her be......I'm now 87 living a fairly busy life and I wouldn't welcome anyone
interfering!!!!
After a year of his basically sleeping 90% of the time, I welcome my DH watching TV again! When physical strength and the ability to do "chores" leaves them, there isn't much left. TV is entertainment and IMHO, still way better than sleeping 24/7
He doesn't do puzzles, doesn't want to socialize - so TV works. Sometimes trying to find them something to do isn't the answer. Allowing them to do what they want is what is working for my Ray.
My mother has 3 TVs in her very small apt. All 3 are on all day, everyday. I am not a TV watcher, so I don't see what she gets out of it, but noise and the "companionship". She has always been this way. Even if she read (and she no longer does that) she has the TV on. She does go to Bingo twice a week, where she does 2 hours of "socializing" and that's it.
You're projecting what 'you' want her to do and be on to her. If she's happy, and does take that 15 minute walk, I'd leave well enough alone.
Go visit her more often. Most elderly people want to see their family and their family is to busy with their own lives. I can't PAY my sibs and their kids to go see Mother.
Also many senior centers have wonderful activities for people in the local community. Maybe someone from a organization in her age group could reach out to her. She may be more open to one of her peers. My mom outlived all of her friends and relatives, so when someone from church invited her to attend a women's group - she was excited to have friends and be social again.
That friendship continued on even after her son and I had divorced 20 some years ago. Weekly telephone calls up until she was in her early 90's.
Rainbow, find something of interest with your Grandmother, even if it is one TV show that you can enjoy together.
I might encourage that she get treatment for depression, which may include mediation, but, if she resist, just accept it. And if she's an older adult, it may be that she's just tired and wants to relax. Some people play golf, bridge or watch tv. We have to be careful of allowing others to make their own decisions about how they live out their days. Its may not be what a younger person would do, but, it may be what they want.
First of all, from what you've written, your grandmother has never been highly goal, nor socially driven, so to be bothered by that now I would need to ask you, why. from what you've written you mention shes aging prematurely, well, what is her age?
..... regardless, there's somthing to keep in mind, as humans age, their world becomes very small. Most no longer see the need nor reason to be active to any level that someone younger may be. Their actual 'needs switch to minimal maintenance, and their desires are changed to 'in the moment" Or to the very near future, rather than any distance future ... then any remaining, or stronger desires are simply limited to what their minds can remember. Their lives are extremely simplified for self survival, so easy things such as food, television, etc, are actually paramount to them.
Try to remember, although you may see a routine as boring and detrimental, if you lower your expectations perhaps you will see they have simply chosen to minimize their life, for themselves.
About Television; for the elder individuals Tv is effortless and instant entertainment, instant mind busying, and instant companionship without thought. Many times their body reacts to television by reducing heart rate and breathing seems to regulate (sometimes too low) but it's a calming effect due to the familiarity and the entertainment aspect of it.
reply to posters question;
most aged' need to be gently reminded and then nudged forward to do things out side of their daily comfort level. Perhaps eagerly yet again gently, invite and then lovingly coax her to do some things, but ''only the things where you yourself can attend with her.
If you do not live with her, might I suggest you simply end your expecting her to act the way you wish (we all have unrealistic expectations of our elders, and we do that so we can rest easier ourselves thinking that if they do this and if they would do that, they will be better balanced, etc, when, it's actually us who need to lower our own expectations ) ....
... and by the way, the 15 min per-day dog walk you say she takes, is excellent for her both mentally and physically. I honestly would worry less about her television and simply stop trying to change her ways at this late in the game when she's clearly shown you who she is up to now. ;) take care.
Does she watch some of the soaps. I bet if she does she sees them as her friends and family and worries about how the characters are going to manage whatever mess they are in this week. You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink"
So don't even try accept the choices she has made. Try and encourage the things she has achieved in her life. She raised chidren, took care of her house, probably worked in the garden. is watching TV any worse than sitting around reading romance novels. yes it's quieter and less annoying to other people. If she is in your house don't let her take over the living room don't let her take over the TV. Turn the darn thing off or disable it. have rules for when it can be watched and everyone gets their choice of program and it gets turned off at mealtimes.
Show an interest in the progrms she likes ask her opinion on things she has seen especially in this scrambled political situation. Never mind the politicians comment on the pretty coat the first lady wore getting off the plane.
Get her a computer and show her how to play games and follow people on Facebook. Find her a forum she might enjoy ( not agingcare).it just might work