My mother is 82 years and was in the habit of shouting for a very long time since we were young. We would wake up to her shouting and had to go to sleep after her. She would nag the father and then the children. She would not let the father sleep in their bed and would throw him out of the room. When visitors come, she would ridicule all of us and laugh mostly taking the father to task.
Now it has become worse. She doesn't shout but screams for anything and everything. From the father to children to grand children and even the neighbours. She would change the topics so that she could go on. She now speaks filth as well. Even when having meals wont stop.
She screams so loud most of the time we can't understand what she says.
If we try to cook she would say that we are trying to throw her out.
She says she wants to live alone and for us to go and drop her at a home. If we agree (not that we have) she would twist the story.
Now our relations don't visit us anymore because of her making fun at all of us.
She has only a few friends left. She speaks to them in a very loving way. Even people she meets outside tell us what a lovely mother we have.
She even breaks things at home now.
She has a severe hearing disorder on top of all these.
Is there anything that could be done?
What does your father want to do?
If you would agree that he has been the victim of domestic abuse over many decades, take it seriously and research support services in your area from that point of view.
Your mother does need help too, she deserves help, but it sounds as though your father is the one who needs protection first. And it might be easier to get both of them the help and services they need if you go about things that way round.
My father is 92 years and does everything by himself. He most of the time pretends he did not hear her telling him things to do which makes my mother worse.
Physical abuse was there when we were younger, but it was the father who underwent abuse very much. Even today he does not want to take her to a doctor in this regard.
She did a lot of abuse to my elder sister. She even put her out of the home one late evening and the father had to take her to a relatives house for the night.
When I was 10yrs, after a fight she took me and got separated in a room in the same house. I was not allowed to talk with any family member for almost two month.
She once tried to set herself on fire in front of all of us. Recently also she told that she'd commit suicide.
My father says she'll not be able to live if we take her to an institution. They have been married for over 60 years.
We can not take her to a psychiatrist as it will make her scream more.
I have heard there are medications that could be given. With her age will these work or will it affect her health?
This is just a sum up that I have given. If every thing that she has done is to be written, this pages will not be enough.
Thank you.
You need to realize that the mentally ill person SHOULDN'T be running the show; the folks who are competent should be doing so and making good decisions so that the mentally ill person can get treatment and be at peace.
Until you can break out of the mental prison that your mother has put you in, you're correct, there is nothing that you can do.
Are you in South Asia?
Appreciate very much the advice and spending your time.
Thank you.
It takes brave family members to stand up and face the twin evils of superstition and gossip; our family member is in pain and needs help. The help is out there in the form of medication.
Please reach out and get help for mom, and for dad.
The regulations will be different from the US, of course; but I think you should still have access to the full range of advanced medical and psychiatric services if you know where to look for them, no?
I realise that the cultural sensitivities will be very different, too; but that doesn't mean that nothing can be done to help your family, your mother and your father. Don't give up!
Have to talk with family members and see.
Thank you very much to all for the advice.