So the head of nursing and director at the MC my grandpa is at, is requesting my family think about having hospice come in.
He has vascular dementia and his sundowning is so bad at night that he doesn’t get any rest and the staff can’t hardly leave his side. Then he is exhausted the next day. They’ve tried several medications and nothing soothes him and they think hospice could better help him.
I do understand that he is 94 and vascular dementia is awful, but signing away his option to go to the hospital seems cruel I guess. My family is very against it, but they aren’t here and dealing with it.
I had some issues with hospice, noted in detail in another thread; I only let them in when I didn't know how to take care of my husband any longer in his last eight days. (Initially, I thought if he knew hospice was coming in, that he'd give up the fight, but that was my own misguided thinking--he wasn't going to make it beyond a matter of days, period. And he accepted hospice without a qualm. It was a hospital that he absolutely wanted NO part of.)
A friend asked hospice to leave when she didn't like how a nurse spoke with her, wouldn't listen.
People are grateful for hospice, though, and rightfully so. I might have had some issues with them but I do not regret the decision.
IMHO, when we decide for comfort over care, when there is no chance of recovery and quality of life is non-existent or nearly so, it is the kindest thing we can do.
Your grandfather's cycle will just continue as is. You mentioned signing off on his option of going to the hospital seeming cruel. I understand that completely. But how disruptive would a single hospital visit be to him, and there would be more than one in all likelihood.
We often think of ourselves when we think of something like hospice inasmuch as we want them alive for our own sakes. We're really not grasping or accepting the life we are asking another to live...for us...and it sounds selfish to do that b/c it is.
Think of hospice as a way to ease his suffering in the time he has left. Which is the purpose of hospice, to die with some modicum of grace and less pain.
Warm wishes to you and your grandpa.
I have talked with the company and they helped ease my mind. They told me I could revoke it any time and that I had a lot of say in what was happening. I’m waiting on family to throw a fit but I’m leaning towards using it.
I believe, as a nurse, that the prolonging of life in extreme old age when the person is CLEARLY suffering simply by having to live life on a daily basis is cruel. That's a personal opinion. I would hope, and have written in my OWN MPOA, and discussed with my POA for health, that I would not want to go on in this manner. I have no fear of death. I do fear the torture I have seen people endure by being brought back every time the grim reaper nears the door.
Leave this to the person designated to make the decision. I hope that he or she will follow the recommendation of the doctor.
If they take him to the hospital, what are your expectations? Would you feel comfortable if they took invasive actions that didn't further his life or improve his standard of life? At his age, I think it is unlikely the results of a hospital visit would be a positive experience. Thankfully my father was clear about what he wanted so I followed his instructions, even though it was hard as I knew it meant he was dying. But, as I said, I am so thankful for our hospice facility for making a difficult situation better.
I think of them as 'curative' & 'comfort care' pathways.
We are familiar with the modern style of curative: appointments, treatments, tests, medications.
It's natural to feel we are not doing enough when slowing down or stopping treatments. But as Mountaingirl wrote, consider what are *invasive actions*. Some people believe in life at all costs, invasive treatments included. I personally don't.
As Del356 mentioned, people can go in & out of Hospice too. Can rejoin the curative approach again if they rally.
For any family member accusing 'giving up' try rephrasing as 'slowing down' instead.
Peace to you & your Grandpa.