My Mom has caregivers during the day and now needs someone there 24 hours. She absolutely will not consider going into a facility. The agency we use for her daytime care would cover 24 hours but the cost would be very high. She needs to be supervised when she gets up to go to the bathroom.
My husband and I have been going in early morning and after dinner but staying overnight is too much. Should I try posting an ad for overnight care and, if so, what should we expect to pay? We had her home made handicap accessible so she could stay in her home and our home is not.
Put in writing that this is a service contract, not a tenancy agreement. The room she gets should be seen as an caregiver office, ie where extra depends and home care supplies are placed, as opposed to an extension of her home. No mail, no personal pets and no family of hers should be allowed.
Does your mother agree that she needs somebody there at night?
The truth here is that 24/7 care is not affordable for most. Even with assets over one million dollars, the assets will melt away in years. Then what of the decades left.
I understand what our parent "want". We hear that more and more. To which I say "wanting is all well and good, but it doesn't come down at this time to what we want".
You will have to take a good hard look at assets, even if housing is sold for profit, and how long it can last with in home care. I sure do wish you the very best. Hard decisions ahead.
Who is paying for these aides, you or her.
Sleep Duty aides do not get paid hourly. It's paid by shift time.
This is a private service that many homecare aides do on the side.
Advertise for an aide who's interested in taking a Sleep Duty case. Then list when the hours would be. Most of the ones I know work 11pm-6am then the daytime aide comes in to do the AM care. You can put the hours anyway you like.
Then negotiate the pay directly with the aide. It's not hourly so make sure when you're interviewing that the conversation doesn't start going to asking how much per hour.
The Sleep Duty aides I know get about $70 to $80 a shift depending on what's needed. If it's just bathroom duty it's not that much. If the client is a wanderer and they have to be up all night, it's more.
Yes, having around the clock care can take a huge bite out of one's savings. I recall my Dad was paying $20k per month, yes per month. Thankfully Dad had saved for those "rainy days".
Dad didn't like paying that much each month. I suggested moving to senior living. He was able to move to the Independent Living section, have a really nice 2 bedroom apartment.... plus weekly housekeeping/linen service, etc. It would cost him $5k per month back then [prices can vary from city to city]. Dad sold his house, so the equity helped pay for the senior facility.
I really would recommend using a caregiver Agency, as they are licensed, insured, and bonded. Putting an ad in the newspaper now a days is very iffy. Or as others had suggested, check with friends/neighbors to see if they know of anyone.
What mom 'wants' and reality may be two entirely different things. I would explain to her that she has to pay X amount of dollars, whatever that number is, for CGs to be with her 24/7, after her insurance pays it's share, and that you cannot come in and pinch hit in the early morning & after dinner, sorry. If/when the costs are too high or her money runs out, she'll have no other choice but to move into Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing.
I 'want' to win the lottery and live in Hawaii but the reality is, that's not gonna happen. So I have to make do with what I have, without crucifying my children in the process. That's very important to me and to my husband as well.
Your mother is very lucky that she has insurance to pay the lion's share of her caregiver expenses, so I don't even understand what the problem is? DO NOT make ONE peep about moving her into YOUR home, that would be a huge mistake. She can shell out the $$$ to have the caregivers come into her home for as long as the money lasts and then deal with what happens next when the money runs out or if her health/mobility issues become to great for the in-home caregivers to manage.
I would not be posting ads online for caregivers! You're likely to get all sorts of crackpots showing up and who knows what kind of chaos will ensue?? Again, in order for mother to stay in her own home, certain compromises will HAVE to be made. One of them is that she agrees to spend her money on agency care; otherwise, you may wind up having HUGE messes to clean up when a nutcase is hired! My uncle insisted on hiring someone 'cheaper' from an ad years ago, and this person wound up robbing him blind. His daughter came into his house one day and found this 'caregiver' had packed up HIS suitcases with all the silver and valuables and was moving them into HER CAR! Yeah, you need to hire reputable people who come from agencies who are licensed and bonded. That's the compromise mother.
Good luck!
Sacrificing out of love is one thing. Sacrificing out of guilt is another.
So the OP should sell their home, uproot their own lives, and/or think people will happily volunteer to stay with mother? Mother is already making it worse for everyone else by being stubborn and refusing assisted living.
The OP may not live to see their own golden years if they run themselves into the ground for a mother who will not budge.
these people at the nursing home are great. this is what they are trained to do.. Good Luck!!!
i'll need to organize this too at some point.
If you can find someone in the area to stay at night yourself, you can get help much cheaper than via an agency. Around Houston, agency gets about $25 an hour with only about $14 going to the worker. Pros and cons of hiring on your own.
Any relatives that could do it? At least it's someone you know.
The most frustrating calls I get are at 6 pm at night when I non-client calls and says, "My aide just called, she can't go to mom's tonight, can you find someone for me?"
Fortunately, many times I can, but my first question is always, "Did you call your agency? Were they able to cover the shift?" Half the time they answer, they just got the answering machine. The other half of the time, they say, "No, it's a private caregiver". Most of the time I win their business, but that's a different conversation.
When you hire a private aide, you hire an aide. When you work with an agency or Nurse Registry you get a scheduler, a manager, a personnel director, an insurance counselor, and a roster of other Aides who can fill in in an emergency, replace an inadequate caregiver, and make sure your mom is getting the care she requires (and you are paying for),
In my agency, we only hire full-time, professional, career Caregivers. We make sure their certifications are up-to-date, references and background checks are spotless and they typically have more than 10 years of experience working in home care (not in an AFL - big difference in the caliber and quality of care the Caregiver will provide). Then we continuously check-in, monitor, and visit the client so we can provide coaching and correction if necessary.
I know that sounds like it must be crazy expensive, right? Well actually, when I compare my hourly rates to websites like care.com, I am usually right in the middle of the price range, and oftentimes much lower than private caregivers. Plus, we take care of all the payroll issues, taxes, and liability concerns.
The moral of the story: Find a great Agency or Nurse Registry, and let them manage the logistics so you can love on your mom and sleep well at night! :-). BRAD
I also have a Blink camera so I can see mom's bedroom. I can speak through the camera but I never do because it freaks mom out.
perhaps you could save money but how would you know who they are and what theyve REALLY done in the past.
hiring from a home health agency could be the same ... do they actually do background checks ??? But at least maybe theyd be safer ???
I compared the live-in + overnight with an hourly rate schedule (2, 12-hr shifts or 3, 8-hr shifts). It was close, but with the hourly rate schedule, there was no guarantee the day person would be the same every day. And that's a big disadvantage because with a live-in, your mom will get to know & trust the caregiver, who also will provide companionship. That's a big comfort to her. Overnight is different, but you might be able to get one same person long term. You can call it a glorified sitter, but the person is trained to handle most problems.
Yes, it's expensive, but not as expensive as nursing home care. My suggestion would be to try it. If it doesn't work out (I can't see how it can't), you can cancel. I know it's a big decision, but you can't put a price on peace of mind. Good luck!
Ultimately, I found my moms 24 hour caregiver by asking around. I managed to find a person who referred the caregiver she had hired for her mom before her mom went into a facility. I hired her and she hired her reliever.
I pay them about 85,000 per year, so comparable to a facility, but mom lives in her home. By Oct 2023, she will have run through her saving and I will have to sell her home to manage her care. I’m definitely not looking forward to moving her.
My mom is 88 years old and has stroke-related dementia. I’m very happy with her caregivers. We’ve been working together for about 2 years and I’m out-of-state.
Is there an option of 4 hours on and 2 hours off to spread out the care givers throughout the day and night ?