Dad (92yrs old) lives alone in Michigan, in the country, far from everything. He's recently been diagnosed with Dementia. I left my home in Florida to be with him for the summer. My brother and I both live in Florida and want dad to stay with me/him for the winter, and then return to Michigan in the spring. Dads in pretty good health, just the memory thing. Doctors say he can't live alone anymore which is why I took a LOA from work and came to Michigan. I try not to talk about going to Florida too much as he just gets sad, but I do want him to understand that staying in Michigan for the winter just isn't an option. If I really had to, I could stay with him, but I can't handle the winters, he's out in the middle of nowhere, no family around but me, I'd def would have to quit my job and it's COLD. Dads activities have really slowed down, summer time it's all about waiting for the grass to grow so he can cut it, winter will be the same, wait for it to snow so he can plow it. The rest of the day, he just sits outside watching birds or napping. I know it his home but we really want dad to come to Florida with us, and I promised to return with him in the spring. I feel that come fall, it's going to be difficult. I've been preparing his home to be closed up for the winter (while I'm here), he thinks I'm just cleaning and organizing things. Brother is planning on renting a camper to travel with dad in comfort as opposed to just the car. I am currently his main caregiver/poa. And even the thougtht of leaving dad in his home and have someone stop in really isn't an option. Dad needs to be with us/family. ..any suggestions will help.
Maybe you can make it an adventure. The camper is a great idea. Tell him u can't stay for the Winter. Brother and you would love to have him spend the winter with you. He will have the holidays with you. Must have someones birthday in there. Tell him you will be going in style. So he is comfortable.
You understand though, that as his Dementia progresses, he will not be able to adjust to doing this yearly. They get where they need familiarity. You may want to think about the future. He will go thru many stages. Doing some odd things. They lose their reasoning and the ability to process. Short term gets worse and long term follows. They become like children. As POA you are going to have to make the hard decision...he cannot stay in Michigan. Fla near family would be what I would do. But to get Medicaid benefits in Fla., he may have to show residency for a period of time. Maybe a nice AL. The time will come when its not what Dad wants, but what he needs. And the decisions should be made with what is easier for you. Caregiving a person with Dementia is not easy. On ur terms helps.
You are in a ticklish situation, I wouldn't pretend there are any simple answers to this. But your assertion that Dad needs to be with his family - I'm sorry to throw sand in the works, but it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he needs to be in familiar territory, but it's you and your brother who need him to head South for the winter.
That's why I ask if he's ever spent much time there, because you do want to factor in how much of a shock to his system this radically different location might be. There are some people you can't uproot so easily.
But whichever way you turn, the fact is your father can't manage on his own. Have you looked at memory care or dementia care facilities in his home state? I would give that option serious thought if I were you.
If it’s possible to let your father spend his last days where he is please do what you can to ensure that his wishes are honored.