My mom has had to live with me and my husband for a year now and I have been lucky because my husband is working many hours overtime so I can stay home with my mom. The problem is that she will never be able to care for herself again so there is no going back to her own home. My father signed his half over to me when they divorced and the neighborhood has gone to the dogs and it is horrible, but my mom doesn't want to let me sell it, but I can't care for both houses (I have heart failure myself). I can't just sell without her permission and I am not sure what to do. We are planning on moving so my husband can get a better job in another state and she doesn't want to move but I can't stay here. I have no siblings and my daughter and family will move with us so her husband and mine can drive truck as a team. So I have to go and mom says I have to stay. How do I get her to understand if she doesn't go with me she has to go into a home?
Perhaps the simple answer is for you to tell your mother (perhaps with the lawyer to back you up) that you intend to go ahead and force the sale. You can say that the options for her are to come with you and DH, or to raise another mortgage and buy you out. If she does that, she will need to arrange care for herself as well, because you won’t be there. It's her choice.
It sounds harsh, and there will be major ructions, but it is the law. At least it provides a clear solution which is not just about what your mother ‘wants’. Just remember that she currently owns half the value of the house, so if she moves with you and the rest of the family, you should provide her with compensation. For your own financial interests, you would be advised to get it all set up by a lawyer, so that as with joint tenancy, you will inherit that half share automatically when she dies. You can move on with the details once your mother knows that she can't control your rights to sell.
It’s a tricky situation, probably one that your father didn’t anticipate. But life’s like that!
You have to do what you have to do regardless of mom's understanding or acceptance. When she sees that you are really leaving and that she has only two choices: go with you or go to a home, then she will have to choose one. She will probably choose to go with you.
Check with a good real estate attorney on how to handle the sale of the house. Moving/relocating is already hard without the added stress. You have my sympathy.
If your mom is still OK. mentally, just have a calm conversation where you lay out the facts for her.
Sorry mom, I know you are not going to like most of these things I have to tell you. This is stressful and difficult for me, but some big changes are going to be happening, whether you like it or not.
1) I AM moving with my husband.
2) You can: A) move with us B) go into a facility of some sort
3) We need to sell the house A) you can agree to sell B) you will force me to force a sale where you will have to buy me out.
If she is mentally competent she can decide to fight you on the sale of the house, but she can't stop you from moving. Consult with a real estate attorney to arrange for the sale of your half of the house. I don't know how that works but I know it can be done. And your mother can make her own decision to stay or go with you. Don't expect her to like being put in the position of having to make a decision that she doesn't want to make. She really wants everything to stay just the same and that can't happen.
We all spend too much energy trying to find the magic solution so that our parent won't be upset, angry or disappointed.