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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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This mystifies me because my mother exhibited the same behavior. It’s almost like all filters disappear when our loved ones suffer from dementia. My mother was convinced that her NH/ MC was a “brothel” and absolutely everyone was sleeping with everyone else, including in the bed next to her. There were lots of times I felt like taking a shower after a visit because her discussions were so disagreeable. Alzheimer’s manifested itself in her case with rampant hallucinations and delusions.
The staff at her facility did not try to convince her otherwise. They did not argue, confirm nor deny. They ignored her when she started. Now, she never “hit on” any of the staff. At one point I did “get in her face” and told her that she needed to be a lady and ladies didn’t talk like that. It actually helped. Is it possible that your husband is acting out? Maybe becoming physical with staff?
I’ve read on this site that this is common among Alzheimer’s/dementia patients. Can you call a Care Conference and ask for a Geriatric Psychiatrist to evaluate him? It may be as simple as a change or addition of medication.
Is he doing more than talking? Has he been aggressive? They do need to protect staff. I agree, the staff at these places should know how to handle situations like that. But picture a little 5ft woman trying to fight a man. Even elderly men can be very strong. I do agree that maybe a med may help.
I just thought of something. If your husband is doing this to the care givers, why not hire a man care giver. They might be better able to deal with this man.
...or have a big, older, "battle axe" type of woman to whom he is unlikely to be attracted, and who looks as if she is capable of putting him in his place (and capable of doing so if necessary). Maybe an ex-military type would fit the bill.
It is what these places do. Since they're not cooperating, file a complaint with your state's ombudsman. Then ask around with friends and family to see if any of them can recommend a place. Also, check with your local hospital and see if their social worker can recommend someplace as well.
I encourage you to sign up for TEEPA SNOW's Positive Approach to Care webinar entitled Sexuality and Intimacy and Dementia. Teepa is one of the world's experts on dementia.
My dad when he was put into rehab facility had vascular ALS./Dementia. dad ( in his 90s ) was there for rehab. dad had a problem with putting his hand down his pants and touching himself till he was so red and raw. he always woke up with a heart on, the nurses said and he was always talking about boobies. Dad had everyone cracking up over his dire to please himself all of the time in front of anybody and everybody. when I would come in to visit in the morning they would tell me how many times they needed to clean dads private parts due to his getting carried away. every five minutes I would try and pull his hand out of his pants. he said once to me "leave me alone I am having fun. this is the only thing on my body that works right anymore so I gonna use it till it breaks or falls off." one day I came in and a really angry older woman ran up to me and told me that all the patients are tired of looking at dad exposing himself and playing with his parts. she said the patients voted to get rid of him. I was so embarrassed. when I mentioned it to the staff they told me that this woman followed dad everywhere and sat right next to him to watch what he was doing. My dad had a pee tube put in and he would constantly jam up the tube due to his enjoyment. the nursing home would laugh it off. The doctor told me that it was natural for most men to do things to themselves as daddy was. If you need to move him to a new facility my suggestion would be to speak to the nursing home and tell them his behavior prior to placing him there. Like my dad said to me once "If you don't use it youll lose it."..... to be honest the nurses told me my dads behavior broke up there day giving them something to laugh about.... good luck............
If it is just 'talk' and nothing physical then he should be able to stay. The real problem lies with the lack of training of caregivers and staff and even administration for pepole who demonstrate these type of sexual undertones who suffer with Alz and Dementia. Many facilities claim their caregivers have had 'specialized training' in working and caring for these type of residents. But what it really boils down to is in many cases they had less than 5 hours of training and then they can call themselves 'certified dementia or Alz caregivers'. It's really poor and a nationwide problem. As long as you LO is not touching/physical contact or the other residents are not in danger, he should be able to stay or find a place. But prior to doing so, he needs a Psych. eval and a seen by a SW. Then the Psych. and his doctor talk together and find the best medicine to start him on - which can take as long at 6 weeks to show improvement with the new meds - they don't always work - but if not, then they need to try something new. Yes, this is a characteristic of Dementia and Alz. but it is one that the facilities and caregivers are not always trained real well how to redirect and find something to keep your father busy - something he is interested in doing - a good distraction. Good luck to you. I was in the same boat but ended up having to move my father out of AL to a NH with behavioral expertise as this was needed to manage and keep the other residents safe. :-)
Is he a veteran? If so, maybe a "soldier's home" or VA would be more suited to his behavior. My father had the same issues in his late 80's and---it was not appreciated by those in contact with him. His life was short-lived however so problem solved before I had to find a suitable place for him.
This is common. I don't agree with medicating to avoid it. Professionals know how to handle it with diverting their attention. My 96yo dad asks his homecare aids to touch him while bathing him and they have a way to still make him feel good w/o crossing the line and then changing the topic
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The staff at her facility did not try to convince her otherwise. They did not argue, confirm nor deny. They ignored her when she started. Now, she never “hit on” any of the staff. At one point I did “get in her face” and told her that she needed to be a lady and ladies didn’t talk like that. It actually helped. Is it possible that your husband is acting out? Maybe becoming physical with staff?
I’ve read on this site that this is common among Alzheimer’s/dementia patients. Can you call a Care
Conference and ask for a Geriatric Psychiatrist to evaluate him? It may be as simple as a change or addition of medication.
one day I came in and a really angry older woman ran up to me and told me that all the patients are tired of looking at dad exposing himself and playing with his parts. she said the patients voted to get rid of him. I was so embarrassed.
when I mentioned it to the staff they told me that this woman followed dad everywhere and sat right next to him to watch what he was doing.
My dad had a pee tube put in and he would constantly jam up the tube due to his enjoyment.
the nursing home would laugh it off.
The doctor told me that it was natural for most men to do things to themselves as daddy was.
If you need to move him to a new facility my suggestion would be to speak to the nursing home and tell them his behavior prior to placing him there. Like my dad said to me once "If you don't use it youll lose it.".....
to be honest the nurses told me my dads behavior broke up there day giving them something to laugh about....
good luck............
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