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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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What does management say? I think they would be the first ones to intervene. I assume you know that this is a forum on which caregivers and experts offer advice, but we can't intervene - I have the impression from the title of your post that you might be looking for hands on assistance.
Even if the AL management doesn't offer good solutions, I think they should be aware of the situation, especially if the bullying becomes physical.
Where does the bullying occur? In someone's room? At activities and/or in common areas?
Can the bullies be separated, or, e.g., served meals in their rooms to keep them away from the other residents? Are there any rounding psychologists who could offer suggestions?
I am SO glad you're at least aiming to do something about it! Well done you.
Any well-liked and well-respected ministers coming to the facility? It is a pastoral issue, after all, maybe they'd be willing to help you. Even better, if you have a few from different backgrounds who could get together and make a team effort of it.
The trouble is, I bet not one of those residents who are actually the worst offenders would describe him or herself as a bully. So that what you might find is that they start then accusing other people of behaving badly.
What about, tackling it from the other end as well: making it clear to anyone who might ever feel picked on or excluded that this kind of behaviour is not something they should ever have to put up with, and setting out what they can do and who they can talk to if they experience unkindness of any sort.
CM, your last paragraph is an excellent method of handling the situation. Good idea! And the bullies aren't put on the spot, which as you observe, could make them accuse others (and thereby become more defensive themselves).
(I have a lot of work to do today - can I borrow your "thinking cap"? I really need it!)
Thank you, GA - I think it can only be half the solution, but it is a half that often seems to get overlooked (I'm mainly thinking of schools).
We can't go back to telling kids or any other size of victim "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" not least because we know it's just not true! And if you work on the recipient end, you can veer dangerously close to seeming to blame the victim for not "handling" it. But on the other hand, feeling powerless is one of the worst aspects of being bullied so giving people clear steps to take... maybe it'll help. Depends on the skill and determination of the bully, sometimes, alas :(
CM, again, excellent insight. Your last paragraph reminded me that caregivers are bullied as well, including from family and so-called friends.
It wasn't until Dad died that I realized how unsettling the bullying was, how much it contributed to feeling as if I could never do enough, or even could characterize it for what it was - accusing me while the bullies were citing liability issues and refusing to offer assistance. I thought they were just meddlers until my mind became more clear and I could analyze more rationally.
Thank you for sharing your own insights and observations.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Even if the AL management doesn't offer good solutions, I think they should be aware of the situation, especially if the bullying becomes physical.
Where does the bullying occur? In someone's room? At activities and/or in common areas?
Can the bullies be separated, or, e.g., served meals in their rooms to keep them away from the other residents? Are there any rounding psychologists who could offer suggestions?
I am SO glad you're at least aiming to do something about it! Well done you.
Any well-liked and well-respected ministers coming to the facility? It is a pastoral issue, after all, maybe they'd be willing to help you. Even better, if you have a few from different backgrounds who could get together and make a team effort of it.
The trouble is, I bet not one of those residents who are actually the worst offenders would describe him or herself as a bully. So that what you might find is that they start then accusing other people of behaving badly.
What about, tackling it from the other end as well: making it clear to anyone who might ever feel picked on or excluded that this kind of behaviour is not something they should ever have to put up with, and setting out what they can do and who they can talk to if they experience unkindness of any sort.
(I have a lot of work to do today - can I borrow your "thinking cap"? I really need it!)
We can't go back to telling kids or any other size of victim "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" not least because we know it's just not true! And if you work on the recipient end, you can veer dangerously close to seeming to blame the victim for not "handling" it. But on the other hand, feeling powerless is one of the worst aspects of being bullied so giving people clear steps to take... maybe it'll help. Depends on the skill and determination of the bully, sometimes, alas :(
It wasn't until Dad died that I realized how unsettling the bullying was, how much it contributed to feeling as if I could never do enough, or even could characterize it for what it was - accusing me while the bullies were citing liability issues and refusing to offer assistance. I thought they were just meddlers until my mind became more clear and I could analyze more rationally.
Thank you for sharing your own insights and observations.