I feel like the I am only one at house with marbles. We have a caregiver looking after my dad on weekdays. Most of the time we are okay. But this weekend my husband had a brain toxicity incident. He became belligerent and went to the bathroom all over the house. I called 911. There was a struggle to get him in the ambulance. They treated him and now he is okay, but I feel like we are just waiting for the next incident. It is sinking in that my caregiving responsibilities are now greater than before. I worry about my capacity to handle it all. I have no other family in town and my network of friends is small and they have their own problems. Feeling pretty lonely.
I think you have enough on your plate caring for your husband. (You do not mention outlook for him, treatment or stage)
Is it possible that your dad would do well in Adult Day program so you can have caregivers there longer/more often if he is not at home every day, you could have them in the evening and weekends.
Or
Would Memory Care be an option?
You will find that caring for someone your world shrinks. So your small network of friends becomes smaller. You need to keep the net open so to speak. Make time for them. Make plans to go out for lunch or just chat. If they have their own problems they will also appreciate a chance to get out and chat.
Many of us here have dealt with similar issues, and it sounds like it’s time for you to realize that No, you CAN’T DO IT ALL. and most important, you should NOT think you can!
Hopefully, you have their legal paperwork and their financial paperwork up to date.
Right now, you absolutely ARE “the only one at the house with marbles”, and you CAN’T “handle it all”.
Just taking a look at whatever resources can be available to you can help YOU feel better. Do a Google search. See if there’s an Office of the Aging in your town and/or county. If either of these folks were in service, contact the VA. Even your local board of health may be able to direct you.
Don’t expect yourself to do a job that would be difficult for three people. Do what you can, and treat yourself to little treats as you work towards finding better solutions. YOU’RE IMPORTANT TOO.
Keep coming here. We listen.
If you don't want to place him, maybe time for Hospice? You can't do it all. His next outburst may be injuring you or Dad.
Either way, either of them need a lot of care.
You haven't said how bad your Dad's dementia is. You could go the long-term respite route with Dad, to help you get clarity on your husband's future. If your Dad is in early dementia, you could have him go to an Assisted Living Center temporarily. At early dementia, he can still make friends and live almost a "normal" life.
As for your husband, what does your doctor say?
We are here. Just keep us up to date with what is going on. Sometimes it help you to get clarity on your situation when you just start telling people about it.
You can do this. Good luck!
Have you considered placement for either or both of your loved ones? Neither dementia nor liver disease get better, only worse. I think it's physically and emotionally impossible for one person to handle ALL of this alone. You say you have a caregiver coming in for dad on weekdays, what about for DH? As his confusion level worsens, his care level will increase as well. Consider placement or hiring another caregiver for him, too.
I'm sorry you have all this to deal with. Wishing you the best of luck getting some respite from all you have going on. Come here to vent any time, too, it's a good place for support.
I am the Primary caregiver and my mom has been very argumentative lately. I am doing my best to make her comfortable and give her the care she needs but sometimes it is very frustrating and we end up in an argument. Our latest issue is the medication and getting her to take it correctly. She still wants to control the meds and insists she is taking them correctly but my Brother and I know she is not taking her medication correctly. I was giving her the pills to her every day, And she would tell me, where Is my medication so I decided to order the pill pack. She took the little packages from the box last month and did okay. This month she has been confused, so now I have to make sure I give her the packets and that she takes all the medication. I Am exhausted.
Look into advice from Alzheimer's Association or author, Teepa Snow, about ways of dealing with the difficult behaviors that come with Dementia.
So money matters, where do you get the help? Google and even eventually visit your local senior services. Share your story and see if they have services to assist you to have a few hours a week for yourself.
And please start to think of next steps. One day, your husband and your father will need more care than you can provide. So start looking early, so you can understand the costs, the documentation and location of places that may be a good fit for your family.
Thank you for being a caregiver. It is not an easy job. When you feel low, just breathe, take a break, regain your strength and then return. You are not alone.
Stay Inspired,
SB