My mom has moved into a care facility and one of the residents has brought her dog with her, however my mom keeps thinking the dog is hers and it's causing so much turmoil between the owner of the dog and my mom. They keep getting angry with each other. My mom hates this lady now and I don't know how to solve it. I've explained over and over to my mom but with the dementia she forgets everything I've said within minutes and the whole thing starts again. I don't know what to do for the best.
Call up pet therapy to bring in visiting dogs.
Keep the two of them separate, and realize this is an adjustment, not entirely all your Mother's fault, I am hazarding a guess here.
And, in agreement with Jeanne, check with the staff. Be sure to ask if this pet owner has had similar issues in the past.
Is your mother trying to keep the dog in her room? Are the two ladies pulling on the poor little thing like a Christmas cracker? If not , and your mother is just asserting that the dog belongs to her but without actually doing anything at all, you could try saying things along the lines of "isn't that nice, and doggie is such good company for everyone." Not contradicting her might dampen down the conflict.
Same thing seems to happen with stuffed toys and there really does not seem to be an easy solution.
Christmas Cracker.
You have done it again, lightened up, brightened up a difficult situation!
Maybe when they give me a turn at the dog, I will name it Christmas Cracker.
With my mother, who loved to stir things up, it was dolls that her roommate carried constantly like babies. The staff and I constantly kept an eye on Mom because she'd take this woman's dolls and hide them. I played into Mom's dementia. She thought she was a famous stage actress. I asked her once who would babysit the baby when she was "onstage" or "on the road". Incredibly, this made sense to her. I'm not proud of doing it, but since my mother could become physical, it may have saved thus woman a black eye.
I would not recommend "sharing" the dog. Dogs can be unpredictable and it could be disasterous for the owner if the dog would nip your mom. I suspect it was dislike at first sight with your mom and this lady and the dog is just part of it. NH staffs are used to handling disputes. I would stop explaining things to Mom and let them handle it. That's better for your blood pressure.
These "pets" are enough like the real thing that it may just make your mom feel like she has her own dog without causing you to worry about cleaning up after one.
The dog version is new, so I can't speak to what it does, but the kitty version meows when you touch it, it purrs, it lifts its paw as if to clean itself then rolls onto its back to have its tummy pet, and its eyes open and close. When my Mom first brought hers into the nursing home, the staff and residents thought that it was a real cat. They're very cute, and my Mom found it very comforting. Hope this helps some. It's so difficult to see our loved ones like this. Hugs to you and God bless.
Also years ago I did some research on the Eden Alternative, toured a county facility that was trying to implement it, and saw caged birds, twittering away (with their vocal chords, not with fingers on tech devices). I don't recall if there were any 4 legged animals.
Even though the Eden concept was implemented well, the facility itself was dismal, so we passed on that.
A robotic pet seems like a great idea! Thanks for raising that issue; I've copied and saved the URL in case it might ever be appropriate for our situation.
#1 Is it possible for mom to get another room where she can't regularly see this other woman's dog?
#2 Never mind arguments; the dog is a trip hazard for any elder.
#3 You're wasting your breath when talking to an elder with dementia, e.g. they simply CANNOT retain what you've said.
Personally I think pets are a good thing for everyone if they can be taken care of properly.