Well I haven't been on here much lately but I want to say that everything everyone has said to me , and to other people , is absolutely the truth. I did what everyone does and said to myself, thats them , that wont happen to me ,. Or , I wont become like that .. and many other things but I think you get my point . Now here I am , wearing the shoes everyone said were to big and I'm just stumbling around , feeling like I never should have agreed to this. But that is hindsight , the reality remains and I just have to deal with it. Maybe I cant deal with it. Maybe I'm not strong enough . Maybe she would be happier somewhere else, somewhere that people who know what to do can deal with her. Coming to a realization like this is extremely hard and frightening . Maybe I cant come to that either. I'm just feeling a lot of anger, regret ,remorse among other things at the moment . Thanks for listening.
How did you go about bringing in caregivers? If it was through an agency and they were a 'no show' they will send another. I have a homecare agency. No one likes to lose business.
If you hired privately, try again. Use a caregiver website and offer top pay. Especially if they have to deal with advanced dementia.
You have to take care of yourself and have an outside life away from the caregiving.
I'm telling you this as a friend and as a person who did this job for 25 years.
As it is right now, you have created the perfect conditions for elder abuse. Believe me a storm is coming if you continue to carry the whole burden of your mother's needs and care, and if you isolate yourself from having any kind of outside life.
Hopefully I gave you the advise that if you take her in you have frequent discussions scheduled to discuss whether this is working for you BOTH and when it isn't working for one of you then it isn't working.
Because it isn't going to work.
As to happiness, that's a lot to ask for those of us facing end of life. It isn't an especially happy time, and while we may be grateful for long lives and for the loving care of families it is difficult to rise up out of the losses that come one upon the other.
I am so sorry. But you will manage. And nothing is set in stone. However, once taking someone into your home you have essentially made it their home. And that makes it very difficult indeed.
Keep updating us. We are interested. And your writings help others with their decisions.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
Don't expect to fill 24 hour shoes, since you do need to sleep 8 hrs a day.
All the kind hearted desire on earth to help people is not as easy as its sounds.
It's both sad and frightening to watch loved ones decline. You get burned out from the stress really easy. Without years of medical experience or training, it is a very hard situation and emotionally draining.
Sometimes things don't happen as expected. You may have to admit defeat, or not. You can always help others in other ways. You deserve a happy life.
Please listen to Alva and BurntC, they are experts.