My MIL is physically doing fine and social, but often is unable to communicate well (aphasia) or be self-directed. At other times, she's coherent, and understands what's going on. She can get dressed no problem, can sometimes work a phone or tv, but not always. She's in independent living now, (very recently - not even a week) but she gets more confused at night, and doesn't watch tv, and everyone else is in their rooms. She gets confused and cries and it's heartbreaking.
What kind of care is available for someone who is mobile but who needs a lot of direction and monitoring? I'm afraid if we put her in memory care that she'll have even less social interaction. Even at this facility there's not much talking at meals, and only a few residents engage socially.
Thoughts?
A well run “assisted living” facility should provide ample activities supporting social interaction, conversation, and cognitive/memory stimulation.
Does her current facility offer assisted living? You may need to ask specifically to find out.
Your MIL sounds like she is Sundowning. Having an aid there right after lunch until bedtime would maybe help with this.
People have a skewed vision that an elder has to be drooling and incoherent to 'belong' in Memory Care, when that's not true at all. I suggest you go visit some ALs that also have Memory Care available on site, and see what they have to say. Also, the intake coordinator nurse will tell you where your mom belongs once she 'interviews' her and determines her care requirements, etc.
Good luck.
Three meals/day, and snacks whenever she wants them.
All of these provide opportunities for her to be with others.
Perhaps a tour or two of different MC facilities would set your mind at ease as to the different levels of residents who live at these facilities.
How about if you visit a Geriatric Neuro Psychologist. Sometimes a little bit of evening medication can do the trick. It calms them. Mornings' and nighttime used to be a nightmare before mother was diagnosed with Lewy Body but now it's calm and peaceful.
I take my mother every 6 months for a visit. It would break my heart to see my mother so pensive and worried but now she is a different person talking about who we should send Christmas cards too. It makes me happy.
Oftentimes, at a certain time of the day the medication wears off so there may an adjustment period. The color lavender is also calming for the elderly so I have a lavender Lands End comforter for her and pajamas NOT a night gown that they could trip and get their feet caught and good slippers. Mom's rosary beads and clean handkerchief go under her pillow each night. She knows the routine, her meds are dispensed and then I turn the light out.
It wasn't always like this, believe me. But I want to give you some hope. You don't want them so medicated that they are lethargic and wet themselves.
TV is not good for dementia. Perhaps, some soft music that she is familiar with and wind down for the night. It's only been a week, it's like sending a child off to camp. There is an adjustment period. Over time you will see things play out. Always check your mother-in-law for any type of bed sores.
In these type of facilities they can often go unnoticed. Don't assume anything. All the places are crying for help and they need to be monitored by family and checked on routinely which is sounds like you are on top of things.
even less
staff and now mom needs MC. I didn’t like their MC. I found one that is perfect and the private carer will go with her. It is like me being there.
( this is different than memory care unit) or perhaps 1:1 support during specific needs times. She most likely will continue through the disease process needing different accommodations at different times to remain safe. Safety is a most important factor in all circumstances.
I am struggling with my decision to put her there. She is depressed also. Doesn’t want to participate in activities unless someone comes and gets her and goes with her.
her room smells so badly of urine because she won’t wear depends. Wears nothing. Besides soiling the bed. When she stands leaking urine on the carpet. This was the final straw that made my decision to move her from living alone. I thought AL could get her to wear depends. She loves company. But expects people to come constantly which isn’t really realistic. Not a lot of family left. Or friends at 95 years old
the nurse there suggested that I might want to take her to a neurologist for testing and recommendations. She said AL might not be right for her. But she didn’t feel there MC would be good for her either.
Most places offering AL have mc as an afterthought. The priority is maintaining the nice Marriott foyer, maintaining the bocce ball court, drop offs to the city or symphony, which leaves less money and time to devote to mc residents.
Mom not socializing could mean she’s intimidated by a crowd that can largely do these things. In an mc environment, she’d feel less pressure.