My husband died of cancer after 18 months. I hired full time help when my husband was ill and remodeled a bedroom and bathroom to accommodate his needs. His family did not assist at all and rarely visited. His siblings and parents think because I have the remodeled room and could afford help for my husband that I should provide this service for them. I have said no, but they are refusing to take this as a final answer. Am I wrong to not want to provide caregiving for two ninety year olds with dementia?
Do not even entertain this idea. No! No! No!
Stop talking to them if necessary.
Do not let them bully you into subversion- they are attempting to rationalize their plan of taking advantage of you!!
What a rediculously ignorant excuse for dumping the in-laws on you! Seriously, you have been thought enough taking care of sick family members.
Its time for you to enjoy your life!! Hugs!
I wouldn't keep saying No. The next time they ask tell them "You have no idea what it takes to care for someone from the being stages of Dementia/ALZ, mentally, physically and financially to the end. Because, you chose not to be here. I am financially and mentally drained. I paid my dues and I am now going to live MY life. Your parents are your responsibility, not mine. You need to spend their money on their needs, whatever it will be. Living on their own with help, going to Independent living or an AL or living with you. I am not taking on the responsibility of two Dementia patients. I know what is involved and at the age of _____ I am not doing it again. So for the last time the answer is NO!"
If you alienate them, oh well. Like I said, its really nervy of them to even consider asking you. This is your time.
You are a wonderful person.
Hugs. Hang in there.
Sparkles
So, I was correct. In-laws are trying to keep their money. Would love to see their faces if you suggested they pay you big time to care for two people. 24 hour care for 2 people for at least 40 an hour (thats what an RN gets)= over 6000 a week. Drop it down to 20 an hr, its over 3 k a week. Cheaper to put parents in an AL.
So, taking care of two parents and a DH, you have certainly paid you dues. Boyyyyy!! They "are" "really" nervy and I would tell them that.
After caring for my Mom, and the hands on was only 20 months (felt longer) I swore I would never do it again except...for my husband. I will not be DPOA for anyone nor a Executor. I have been able to find some people to help with my disabled nephew that will help in taking some of my responsibility away. I am almost 69 I don't want any responsibility that has nothing to do with my family. I did for my parents from the time I could. I was the oldest of 4. I was the one they depended on. I am tired of being the one.
My MIL and FIL are totally uncooperative. Husband’s siblings are greedy and feel entitled. BIL actually commented after my husband’s death that their inheritance would only have to be split two ways.
I told in-laws again today that I would not allow them to move in my home and that I would not take care of them in any way. They then called their daughter to tell her how selfish I am. Of course, she called crying and whining to me about she couldn’t possibly disrupt her family and it would be so easy for me since I was alone. I told her sorry, I’m going back to work October 1st and could not possibly help. Maybe that will get thru.
SIL and BIL can take turns hosting their parents to save their inheritance...NOT YOU!
What does she think you have been doing the last five years...taking care of 3 people was not a disruption? I know, you may not have felt that way but there were times, I know, you and husband would have wanted to do something together.
Good for you that you told them again and I hope its the last time. Next time just say you are not going there again and hang up. I wouldn't even volunteer to help or they will use it against you. "Well you did it before, why not now" You could also say "Where were u when I could have used some help". Time to go on with your life.
Are you really going back to work? If so, nice.
Keep us informed on what is going on.
No attorney worth his salt would take on a case like that on contingency. And from the sounds of it those in-laws would never want to pay a retainer likely in the thousands of dollars. Give them, if you want to give them anything at all, Medicaid contact information.
As for your “share” in paying for the parents care... does that mean you now get an equal share in their will? Nope. I don’t think so - but you might ask it - in a “just wondering”
kind of way. It would be fun to hear SIL cough and sputter as she quickly tries to unpaint herself out of her corner.
But seriously - don’t stress it. As stated prior, no lawyer will touch this.
Do NOT answer them and they'll get the hint.
This has turned into a ridiculous, greedy circus. (My mouth fell open when I read your last post!) Be DONE with these people. No contact.
Whether you go back to work or not, you don't OWE any of them anything!
You must be a very sweet and patient person. I'd have told them to take a hike (in different words) by now. 😡
I think you did the right thing by changing your phone number.
The requests you are getting from the In Laws are completely unreasonable, and quite bizarre.
There is a reason SIL could not find an Attorney! Her case or whatever she was trying to pursue is laughable.
I hope you find peace and joy getting your life back on track.
None of them have mental illness. They are garden variety Dysfunctional. My husband never got involved in their infighting and I won’t either. My husband was successful, a CPA as am I, owned our accounting business. Family very jealous of our home, business, etc. None of them ever worked very hard. Mostly, lazy and looking for the the easy life without working for it.
New number in effect. Had a security camera and sensors put on front and rear of house. It will ring on my cell phone if anyone comes around, so I am all set.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Now, maybe they'll leave you alone. What a bunch of misfits. Hope MIL gave them all a good tongue lashing.