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She has dementia and I believe she really does think she took them, but I'm sure she is remembering taking them on a different day. I say, "Mom, if you took your pills, why are they still here"? She has lots of answers such as "someone put more there", "that's a different dish" or my favorite, "Why don't you believe me? I know I took them". I tried to reason with her, tried to scare her that she will get sick if she doesn't take them, tried waiting until lunch time and give them to her then, but she can be very stubborn and keeps insisting she took them.


I leave them out for her when I go to work, she is usually still asleep and I have a caregiver come in about 1/2 hour after I leave and she lets me know if Mom didn't take them (again), she also tries and is sometimes successful getting her to take them at lunch, but not always.


She has lived with us for the past 5 years and the struggle is only getting worse. I ask her "Why would I lie to you? I'm only trying to do what's best for you". Her only response to that is "Why would I lie to you? I know I took them".


Night time is much easier as my husband and I are both there to make sure she takes them it's just the morning pills that are an issue.


Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can convince her to take her forgotten meds?


Thanks so much
Tired of arguing

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My experience with my husband leads me to conclude that the silly arguments are just to keep me there and talking to him. I'm so busy, taking care of literally everything, that he does what he can to hold me in place. Kind of like a pet or very small child, doing mischievous things to make you pay attention.

He only takes vitamin pills - no medications yet - so I don't worry as much, but if I see them sitting there on their little red plate, I just remind him and offer a glass of water.
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My mother in law used to do the same thing. Her doctor ordered as many of her meds as possible in liquid form, which the pharmacy had no problem doing. Also, He prescribed meds that were actual formulated to melt in her mouth. worked like a charm.
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Invest in an electronic pill minder that drops the pills at the set time, and beeps until the pills are removed from the machine. Buy from Amazon with a 30 day return policy if it doesn't work for you because they are pricey.

Of course, that doesn't ensure she takes the pills. But, my strategy is to use technology for any cues I possibly can. My mom doesn't argue with the calendar reminders on her phone, or prompts from the Alexa like she does with me.

If you choose to go the more personal route, I would not discuss the pills. Simply set them out for her to take at the right time. No discussion, distraction or argument. You'd be surprised at how easy it might be when you disengage.
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Oh boy, I remember those times…when she becomes fussy and forgetful about managing her own medication, I learned that she has stepped into the next level of her dementia. My mother began to leave tablets in the elaborate daily tablet boxes (AM, afternoon, PM) I left them in for her to take. Later on, I would find that even if she took them out of the tablet boxes, she would squirrel them all over her room, wrapped up in tissue paper, stuffed inside drawers, in her pajama pockets, under her pillow, everywhere! Drove me crazy too, as she would insist the same exact thing, that she took her meds. What solved it for both of us was that I finally talked to her doctor to minimize her medicines to only the most essential ones she really has to take and made sure to watch her or have someone watch her actually take the medication. Eventually, even that no longer worked…she began to spit them out and again wrap them in tissue paper. So her medication is now ground up in her applesauce and fed to her. Each stage is a level of aggravation, but you deal with it the best you can, with the help of her doctor or nurse, and find a solution that will be agreeable to her and still help her. I send you energies of encouragement for this part of your caregiving adventure.
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Started with the 7 day pill holders. She would argue that Friday was Tuesday, etc, so I switched to giving one day at a time. Then she’d argue the time of day. As I could only be there 2 of 3 pill times, I tried hiring a PSW, to witness the morning pills. She furiously fought having a PSW, although the woman was wonderful. Pills had to be witnessed because, while cleaning, I had found pills tucked in odd places. Behind a photo frame, in a cupboard, in a stack of papers, in a tea cup, in an envelope... I asked her why she hadn’t been taking her pills and she informed me very matter-of-factly that, had the Dr. wanted her to take them, he’d have explained that to her himself, in person. Fortunately only the levothyroxine is life critical.

After telling me for years that she is fine and I am the one with cognitive issues, a medical crisis landed her in the hospital where she was assessed as having advanced dementia. She is in respite care, waiting on a NH room.
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My sweet lady would also state she took her pills. I started filling pill containers for am and pm weekly. Sometimes the am pills were not taken until after 12pm. After trying to explain they had to be taken w/ breakfast (food), she took them for a week or so and then she'd go back to taking them after noon and we'd repeat the converstion. Finally I realized I was experiencing insanity (doing the same thing and expecting different results), and becoming frustrated. Hurt feelings were also becoming part of my story b/c I thought she was intentionally not listening to me or ignoring me. Then, after moments of selfishness and self pity, I remembered that her disease is progressing and rationalizing with her, "parenting" her, trying to convince her, educating her, nor manipulating the situation were not going to help the situation. She did not understand, nor did she need to be forced to. The solution became to give her meds to her when she's eating breakfast like they are part of the routine. Her caregivers went along with the plan, and it's working out so far.

Good luck.
In my opinion, we are fortunate to be caring for our loved ones and continuing to grow.
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This was the year back in 2013 when my 93-year-old mother was in a nursing home. Her doctor had prescribed sleeping medication that was given out by assigned staff, then Mom had to sign for it on a form for their records because she always forgot she had taken them.
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With my Mom if she was responding that way, I could say, "Yes, you are right and yes I believe you took those. Now it is time to take these pills. Could you please do that?"
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Hi xdx:

It can be frustrating and overwhelming when you're trying to help a senior adult maintain a standard of living. Both my mom whose 98 and my disabled sister in her 60's used to fight with me about medication on a regular basis. Medication time has become the standard for breakfast - lunch and dinner. I stopped asking mom if she took her medication instead I ask has she finished her breakfast? (everything). I call them down for supper to take their medicine and dinner is on the table. It's become a ritual. Taking care of two senior adults is again overwhelming but fighting with them about doing exactly what the doctor says sometimes infuriates me. They talk real nice to the doctor but when they get home it's a battle for attention. I've resigned to recognize that sometimes they just need some additional attention so "medication time" is also meal time. No one leaves the table until the medicine is taken. There is a very specific schedule for "taking medication" and it's delivered with a hot meal three times a day. Sometimes I'm just agreeable. "I know you took your medicine but that was your breakfast medicine. I need you to take your dinner medicine!". Every once in a while it turns into a dialogue on what the medication is for even though they've been taking it for many many years. I've found that one of the greatest difficulties at being a full time care giver after retiring from 40 years of law is just knowing and remembering to step back and relax and them gently remind them what they must do. Drink water, eat healthy and take your medicine. Sometimes a gentle reminder helps even the most difficult patient, parent or relative move in the right direction.
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I know exactly where you're coming from. I argued and fought a battle that I could never win. It was also a case of taking too many tabs or not taking any at all.

My mom has been on high blood pressure tablets for years. She will still tell a doctor that she takes her tab everyday but this has not been the case for almost 3 years now. I will tell the doctor on the side that this is not the case.

I was given the advise and decided to buy a BP monitor and if she is displaying any dizziness or light headed symptoms, I take her BP just to check if there is any potential risk. So far these have all been false alarms.

Mom basically weened herself off these tablets years ago and arguing with her will only cause anguish for both of us. Usually more for me than for her.

Dementia sufferers can be very cold emotionally. The loving parent we once knew is no longer there. We need to understand that the only emotions displayed are for there own purposes. Sadness, scared, and anger. So in essence what I'm trying to say is let your mom do what she wants. It's not worth the upset unless the medication is 100% necessary. These old people are physically way stronger than we think.

All the best with your mom.
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Firstly, the pills. How many are really needed? Discuss with Doctor. What actually improves her life? What can be discontinued?

Mom. Faulty memory = faulty ability to take pills. Her personality decides if she will meekly let you decide for her or to decide for herself.

You. How important is Mom taking her pills to you? It does NOT mean you are a 'bad' caregiver if she does not! (Just means she won't take her pills).

Just have you have adjusted from Mom dishing out her own pills to having them dished out for her, the next choice has arrived.

Either YOU choose:
take your best Nurse-in-Charge assertive manner & say "It's time for your pills. Take them now please. Thankyou Ma'am". Then march on with your day.

Or, you let MOM choose:
Put pills into a little med cup, show her, leave them with her. She takes them. Or not.

Even in a care setting, people have the right to refuse pills. Med chart is noted *refused*. Offered again next round.

Have a think about what direction suits your & your Mom's values.
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It sounds like by now she has an advanced case of dementia and I would get her some full time in home help or send her to a care facility. I think she is no longer able to take care of herself adequately.
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xdx83xdj: You have stated that "you tried to reason with her." Therein lies the answer and that is that your mother has a broken brain and all sense of reason is non existent, unfortunately. Perhaps the medications will have to be dosed differently, think in pudding or applesauce IF possible.
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meds have serious side effects. they will not prolong her life. and will I fact make her suffering greater in the end result.
perhaps your Mother is wiser than you realize
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swanalaka Oct 2021
The seriousness of side effects is completely different for every type of medication. Some may very well be prolonging her life. We don't know what she is taking.
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In your mom's mind, she did take her medication. She doesn't know any better. I would suggest your yourself administer her taking her meds, or have a nurse or someone else do it.
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I have the same problem with my wife. I talked to her doctor about this and was told to do my best but you really can't force her.
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I always stay and watch my dad take his pills. I say, let me watch you take them so we can both remember that you took them. Then I have a little chart on a dry erase board and I put a check mark while he watches and we check off each time he takes them. Then if he ever forgets he can look at the chart and see if he took them or not.
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My Alz. mother went through this same issue, refusing meds and hiding them, even pretending to put them in her mouth while palming them. Yep!

I found many little bags of pills in her room hidden at the bottom of stuff, probably weeks and weeks worth of pills. Apparently, she didn't die from not having those pills. So, finally I stopped caring whether she took them or not. I asked her doctor to review her med list and eliminate all except the 'must take' meds. Before she was taking 8 to 10 different meds, not counting vitamins, and eye drops; now, she's down to 2 meds which I crush and put them in her drinks.

No more arguments.
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Ohhh boy. She’s in denial of her forgetfulness. Try bargaining with her. Tell her you will wake her to take meds before you go and she can go back to sleep. OR she will take them and not argue about it when you see she had forgotten. Give her those two choices only.
bless you for all that you do for her!
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When I see how people upset their caretakers so much and have such negative effects on those who care for them, why are they still at home? Why aren't they placed? Even without funds, there is help and there are ways for them to be taken care of. I just don't understand why people put up with all this crap?
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PatienceSD Oct 2021
There are solutions besides putting our elders in homes that are woefully understaffed. We find ways to solve the bumps as they arise.
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I would give them to her myself BEFORE YOU LEAVE FOR WORK. If she refuses, and I am not an advocate of this but just telling you what I know some people, including medical people have resorted to, is holding their noses and making them swallow with water handy. I know it sounds terrible but at least they are getting the pills they need. Can they be crushed and put into food to hide the taste. The more I hear and see of what people with dementia do, the more furious and disgusted I am. I know they are broken but I can take just so much "nonsense" before I totally lose it. I was a caretaker four times in my life but now that I am much older, I have no patience and can't put up with it. I will be 88 and handle l00% of all my own personal affairs to make sure it is all done properly, completely and on time - not easy but I have not a soul to help me even though I am disabled and can't walk. I force myself against all odds to do the impossible and succeed - but not all are like me.
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princessasa Oct 2021
Sounds like you are all alone now Riley. Im so sorry that there is no-one there to love and care for you...or at least be your companion.
Particularly when you have given so much in caring for others
Others may not know, but the Angels know. And I sense it also
You are a very strong spirit and should be proud of what you have achieved.
If ever you would like to chat to someone I would be happy to hear from you
I have been taking care of my 85 (turns 86 tomorrow) year old Grandfather for some time now. I have learned patience and acceptance, and appreciate each passing day.
We are all capable of much more than we realize until life tests us
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Quit putting them out to depend on mom to take them. Her brain doesn't retain things correctly and very likely she says she took them as she remembers a different day. You have a home health aid coming in shortly after you leave. Put the pills out for that person and she can give to mom to take. She stands there, just like a nurse in a hospital. and makes sure she takes the pills.

Mom can't remember. Don't give her responsibility of taking them. You and she are both beyond that.
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PatienceSD Oct 2021
Excellent idea.
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Okay so I am piggybacking off of a couple of previous answers...


So maybe to help your mom be involved in the solution, see if the mom will agree to sign/initial the note and write time she took the pills.

Caregiver writes date and time pills were set out.

Parent takes pills, writes time taken and her initials.
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My mom will hide them, tuck them within her blankets & even toss them behind or underneath her bed.
I now physically stand by her & hand her each pill … then do a quick look in her mouth with a flash light. It’s crazy, how she learned tricks on how to hide them within her mouth.
She moved into my home over 5 years ago & the first 10 months-hubby & I were not aware of her tricks & not taking her medication.
We started finding pills 💊 underneath items within her bedroom. Even at the kitchen table -underneath the placemats, on the floor, stuck underneath her plate & in her napkin.
As I mentioned, if I give her the medication, I stand in front of & watch her -then check her hands & quick look inside her mouth. When hubby gives her the medication, he also stands in front of her & watches. Her social worker told us to start putting her meds in her yogurt, applesauce & eggs. The ones that are in capsules, we can twist open or cut the top off and pour into her food. The ones that are tablets, we can smash them with a spoon & also put in her food.
Good luck 🍀 to all of us caregivers dealing with caring for our loved ones.
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princessasa Oct 2021
Your mother...and many others...don't want to take medications because they have side effects that is upsetting the persons balance..
Please think carefully about your Mothers symptoms Before she began medication. And now that she's on the medication
Has their been a great improvement in her health? Are her symptoms less?
Also put together a list of other health problems your Mother has developed since she's been on the medications.
Then review the side effects (both most common & rare) and consider the probability that the meds are causing problems
Also review the dosages...all med dosages are given related to the frequency/severity of symptoms. I have often found the elderly on doses far higher than medically indicated for the problems they are having
Finally, check that all the meds together is medically prudent. Ie...when one is taking a medication, there are a list of others medication that are contraindicated. A pharmacist could easily check the list for compatibility. However is not legally able to advise on doseage. You can review easily online
One would assume the physician knows & considers this when prescribing
However many dr's are very familiar with meds used in their speciality, and not used by dr's in other specializations of medicine that your Mother may be visiting...eg..gastroenterologist , optholologist
Lastly, in the elderly toxicity due to many meds is common due to the lack of exercise & generally slowed metabolism in the elderly.
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Dad is the same way. If he forgets, I just hand him the meds to take. I don't even tell him he missed them. We set them out in a cup as well, but he can still miss them from time to time. Of course, this only works if you are there to check on the meds! We also put a note in the cup with date and time.
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MichelleWTX99 Oct 2021
So maybe to help original poster's mom be involved in the solution, see if the mom will agree to sign/initial the note and write time she took the pills.

Caregiver writes date and time pills were set out.

Parent takes pills, writes time taken and her initials.
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Put a post it note with date/time in the lil dish.
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My eldest sister lives with me. I had a pill planner which I fixed weekly and noticed that she had stopped taking her meds. She said that she wasn't taking her medicine anymore because it made her "pee" too much. Trying to convince her using several family members, she continued to refuse. The most important and concern medicines was her blood pressure and cholesterol. I told her that I made an appointment with her provider so that she can tell her why she isn't taking her meds. Long story short, changes were made so that she will get meds once a day administered by me. I bring the water and pills into her and watch her take them. Her dementia episodes changes at times. It's hard some times being a caregiver. The provider explained to her that we are trying to keep her from having a stroke.
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My husband does the same but I am retired and he does not want me to watch him take his pills because he is an adult. So I bought a ring and put a camera in the kitchen where he takes them in the pill box only with the pills he should take. It records and I can see if he took them or not. If not I show him and he has no recourse but to take them especially because they are still in the pill box. I also have a camera in our room so when he is resting. This way I can work outside without worrying.
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A Dementia patient CANNOT be expected to be responsible to take their own medication. They cannot remember to do so.

You will have to physically give her the medication from now on. It will have to be a part of a regular daily routine.

To make it easier, get an Alzheimer's clock, and set her medication times, that way, she cannot argue, because it's "medicine time."

https://www.amazon.com/SSYA-Newest-Version-Clock-Non-Abbreviated/dp/B07C2LL3XF/ref=asc_df_B07C2LL3XF/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=271614679167&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12794554672417560685&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9031108&hvtargid=pla-465860469978&psc=1
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xdx83xdj Oct 2021
Thanks for your reply. I do have 2 clocks and they help but when she is adamant there is no arguing with her.

We started handing her the meds at specific times two days ago and so far it's working. I'm sure there will be times it doesn't but it's better now.
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At my mother's memory care unit, the nurse goes around to administer pills and it becomes a scheduled "activity." Can the caregiver make a point of doing this? Maybe take it away from your mother's responsibilities.
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