I am an “only” living 700 miles from 88 yr old mom, with whom I’ve always had a contentious relationship. I recently learned she trusted a “day trader” and his mother. From what I can piece together (my mom won’t divulge all the info to me), these two have scammed her. She has “loaned” him at least 125k (he has paid back 400), he has taken out a credit card in her name and charged approximately $40k worth of charges (which she paid off) and has gotten her to invest with his mother, an unknown amount in a penny stock scam.
We discovered this guy has a record for fraud, spent time in jail and he and his mom have been investigated by the SEC. We have been approached by FL and NJ securities officials and financial regulators. NJ APS has contacted her three times (she told them to leave her alone). There is also a federal legal component as well.
My mother will neither work with authorities nor make me her rep in this matter. She feels he is a “nice boy” who is trying to pay her back (NOT). She says she couldn’t live with herself if she thought she sent him to jail. She refuses to move against these people and is adamantly opposed to helping the authorities in any way.
My fear is these people have ALL her info. They could mortgage any or all of her properties and leave her destitute. She doesn’t feel her finances are in jeopardy and won’t protect herself in any way.
She still drives and in every other aspect is competent. Both our children are trial lawyers. We have all tried to make her see reason. How do I protect her? What should I do?
-----------------
Also, from the original post: "My mother will neither work with authorities nor make me her rep in this matter. She feels he is a “nice boy” who is trying to pay her back (NOT). She says she couldn’t live with herself if she thought she sent him to jail. She refuses to move against these people and is adamantly opposed to helping the authorities in any way."
----------------------------
If the mother has NOT been deemed incompetent and will not complain about the behavior of these people, there will be nothing the authorities can do.
Also bank officials will NOT be able to do anything to help, if the mother refuses to say that these people did anything wrong.
Those are just the facts of the dilemma. Unless and until the mother is either deemed mentally incompetent, or she is willing to file charges for theft, etc, the authorities are essentially stymied.
What you can do is file a complaint, against these people, with the appropriate agencies and that MAY or may not trigger an investigation, into all their dealings, which may eventually reveal that your mother was one of their victims.
Also, the attorney that told you that if your mother feels you are interfering or acting controlling or aggressively toward her behavior, then it may trigger an APS investigation against you.
If a person has been deemed competent, it is true..... they can do whatever they want with their own money and attempting to control that can be deemed suspicious.
If your mother is competent and she is willing to trust a stranger over you, then you are right to be done with her.
I then consulted a NJ estate lawyer. First, he said it would take two independent physicians to concur on competency and I need to understand this is a “nuclear” option. Second, it is her money and she is free to do with it as she wishes. Lastly, if she feels WE are being predatory or aggressive in terms of her assets, she can have APS protect her from us. I’ve spoken to her bank and her financial person to alert them to the danger. I reached out to both the NJ and FL offices of Financial regulation. I sent them what evidence I have. Hopefully, it helps them to build a case. So for now, until she wants our help we are done.
She has to file a police report..but good luck getting anything back.
The landlord I rented from in SE Iowa was not taking care of the houses he owned and was gambling and giving all his money to young women (teens and 20s) his children got a financial conservator-ship and he can still make all decisions except money and renters (he had a bunch of young girls living rent free in several of his places)
My brother refused to resign when my lawyer presented him with a letter detailing the crimes he'd already committed (we had the proof that he'd taken $100K and had set up a new investment account with a crooked pal of his who is an investment broker). So we had to take him to court.
His defense? He lied his rear end off, under oath, about his actions, and spent half his time on the stand assassinating my character. But I was acting on my father's behalf, and not asking for the POA myself: but for the court to appoint a neutral third party as conservator.
I won the court case, and the conservator was appointed, but my wicked brother has savagely amputated me from his life, vilified me to his daughters (they have no idea he disinherited them in favor of his third wife) and everyone at the nursing home; and has even begun to try to get our addled father to turn against me.
So I have no immediate family left. Dad is very far out of it, so it's hard to even have a conversation. My mother and sister died in 2009 (cancers). Fortunately, I have three cousins I'm pretty close to, and two aunts and uncles, and they all know the score.
Still: I had to do it, because the alternative would have STILL left us with a broken family, but with Dad destitute and possibly me as well. Given my brother's actions and his utter lack of a conscience or any remorse, he didn't give a d___ about us anyway, so in reality, what relationship was there to lose?
And I had adored him. I knew he had some Baggage, but I never would have thought him capable of This. I am absolutely gutted.
Personally, I would make it clear to my mom that I will have nothing to do with her if she doesn't turn over control of her finances. I had to do that with my dad. It was hard. I told him I would cut off all contact with him and that he would never see his grandchildren again - it actually came to that (and I meant it). He finally yielded and within a couple of months wanted nothing to do with his own finances. He doesn't even bother opening his mail now.
Your mother will let these swindlers bilk her out of every penny. They won't stop. Then, she'll have no resources and the cost of her care will fall on you. Are you OK with that? If not, stop her now. Protect yourself.
Don't worry about punishing the scammers, focus on stopping the flow of your mother's assets into their pockets!
It seems that your mother is a classic case in point. Would you be able to find out if other victims of this despicable pair have formed any kind of self-help group, and put them in touch with her? If your mother refuses to feel that she herself has been defrauded and robbed, perhaps there will be other members of the group who will arouse her indignation and change her mind about taking action.
Contact Anyone under the Sun , hun, Who has been in touch with her concerning this guy. Tell them to then Notify you instead of Mom, as a Concerned family member. If he does commit anything else, You can get him to "Stop" altogether now. But with what he is doing with screwing Mom over, I would say Mom is not altogether Right in the Mind and not Making the correct decisions.
Contact too your Protective Adult Services. I would have to say this shyster is Endangering the Welfare of an Elderly Vulnerable Elderly Person.
Unfortunately the abusers will cultivate a relationship with the elder that are lonely for the purpose of exploiting them. Also in some instances often either embarrassed... or afraid of their abusers. It is very important to stop this as the abuser will continue to do this to others as well.
If so, I’d start there. I’d suggest you plan on doing whatever to get guardianship over mom. It may be that - since your out of state - that mom becomes a ward of the state of NJ with a court appointed guardian for all financials. With perhaps you as guardian for health & medical issues. The court appointed guardian can go after the grifters in ways you cannot ever do.
Any idea if they are Traveling Irish? They do lots of father/daughter , mother/son scams, very good at it, very persuasive.