He doesn't stay anywhere long enough or close enough to any of his family for any of them to legally take over his care. He talks about taking his rig and driving back to Colorado, or Indio CA, Arizona or even staying in Northern CA, where he is now. He is procrastinating any moves and I can hear from talking to him, that he is getting less and less able to make decisions about his own care, except that he is amenable to going into AL (although he says he is afraid that he will lose his independence to get up and go). Both he and my sister have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but he is on his own. He talks about not having the drive to make decisions or clean up his trailer, which is a mess (both very unlike him). I don't know in what way I should support and/or encourage him to jump one way or another before it's too late.
He was so amenable and cooperative and was the one who asked my help. He was 83 at the time, and I was 7 years younger. He was still capable and so organized. I will tell you that even given all that it was tough for me. I was at the time clueless about his diagnosis and prognosis and about being a POA/Trustee. I came to this Forum at that time and I think without its support I would have caved from the anxiety.
Eventually something will happen with your bro that will cause a crisis. Meanwhile I would be certain in your own mind if you are capable of and ready to serve as POA and deal with someone who may not be cooperative in care and placement.
I am sorry. I can only imagine what you are going through in your mind with worries and my heart goes out to you. Were it me I would be beside myself with fear.
All you can do is to make suggestions. It’s up to him whether he will allow others to help him.
I have a cousin who is 100 years old and lives in independent living. She loves it.
My cousin wouldn’t dare live with one of her children or go to an assisted living.
Guess what her excuse is? She’s not going to spend that much money! LOL 😆 She is far too independent and stubborn to listen to reason. Oh, yeah. She still drives too. She travels, no walker, no cane, extremely fashionable too! She cooks and cleans her apartment and helps her neighbors. I call her the energizer bunny!
I wish everyone could be so fortunate as my cousin is. She is most definitely the exception to the majority of older people. She has outlived two of her children!
We have a forum member that has posted that her mom lived to be 108! I can’t imagine living that long.
If you are relatively close to him, help him to make a list of pros and cons of going into AL and put it on paper. It is Memory Care where your ability to go somewhere is restricted. The typical AL that we have in my state, allows freedom to take the bus, walk to the store, go shopping, etc. Some of the seniors have cars, however, most find it to be an unnecessary expense. Not everyone who has memory loss, goes to MC. Some do fine in Assisted Living.
If he doesn't know where he would like to go, I would suggest that you help him do the research and go and visit places.
It is a daunting task....and it really does help for someone to go along with you, at least on the first few so that you feel more comfortable with asking the questions. My brother provided emotional support as we did the research for my Mom. It helped me mentally that it was a "team decision".
However, first, I'd make a list of pros and cons, and then see how the different facilities that you visit, measure up to the pros and cons.
If he needs financial assistance, look up LTCOP for the state or county and get their assistance, as that will narrow possible places considerably.
If your brother won't assign anyone as his PoA then the county can become his legal guardian. Someone has to be his legal guardian in order to legally manage his care and make decisions in his own best interests. If no one can do it then the county can but you must first alert them to his needs.