I have been durable POA for my aunt for around three years now, during this time, she has terrorized me on a daily basis; and now she has reported me to APS for theft. As well as being her POA I also have two joint bank accounts with her, from which I get her groceries and pay her assistant living rent. She is quite wealthy and around six months ago gifted myself and my mother with a large sum of money. Now APS are telling me that I’m financially abusing her. I was leery to take the money at first because I know how she is. She’s not a nice person, she’s sociopathic and narcissistic and called the police on her last POA to accuse him of the same thing. Stupidly I thought that since we are family (he was not); that she would never do this to me; and growing up she was my favorite aunt and was so good to me. I’m so hurt and angry right now, I just don’t know what to think. According to her psych she doesn’t have dementia, at least if she did I could understand this behavior. I’m sick with worry because I just applied to become a U.S. citizen and now I have these false allegations hanging over me.
No way should you allow anyone to treat you that way.
Also, I’m not sure she doesn’t have dementia. That psych may not know what they’re talking about and may not be qualified to diagnose.
If she is wealthy, she can find someone to handle her money. Sounds like she is capable in paying her own bills. Also can order her own groceries. You now take this as a warning, get ur POA revoked. She can set up a lawyer at her POA.
And the same applies to the gift to mother.
All they would have to do it talk to the bank manager; it was entirely her decision. I’ve been to the bank with her many times over the last couple of years and my only reason for being there is to drive her there and back.
As far as I’m aware there’s been no formal investigation yet. I grudgingly spoke to my aunt when she called today, she wants to call them and tell them to back off, would it make a difference at this point? Mind you her first response when I told her was ‘well serves you right, you do nothing for me anyway’ and since then I’ve had numerous voicemails from her telling me she has no idea why they are doing this; it wasn’t her etc. I feel like I’m in an impossible situation
I would resign as the POA, and face the music whatever it may be. Also give the money back.
She can find someone else to manage her and her money.
I would also suggest that you get some legal advice (unless you don’t hear from APS at all), but these are some things to get clear first:
1) Are APS investigating your mother’s role in taking the gift, as well as you? If not, why not? If there are no allegations about mother, it makes it less likely that you alone were ‘abusing’.
2) Are there other family members who are likely to accuse you, or are you and your mother the only close family members of your aunt? If there are others, do they already know about the gift? Have they objected? Have you talked to them about the situation? Or will it all come up for the first time when aunt’s estate is dealt with?
3) What happened with the allegations about the previous POA? It might help to find out if aunt backed off, if POA repaid anything, if there were legal proceedings. Or if it all evaporated?
4) Make notes (details, dates etc) of all your aunt’s statements like the examples you have given. Yes it will quite possibly make a lot of difference. It is not unusual for old people to make false accusations about the people close to them, because they are angry or they enjoy the fuss it creates. You need to give details, if this is what is happening. As you will understand, this is one reason why the trouble with the previous POA matters.
5) It might be worthwhile to suggest to your aunt that she puts in writing (if possible) or explains to a third party that “she has no idea why they are doing this; it wasn’t her etc”. Just suggest, don’t be the third party or be involved in the written statement. A Priest, perhaps? Someone who will be willing to talk to APS if needed, if that’s at all possible.
6) Show the records you are keeping about the day to day bill paying. POAs are obliged to do this, so if you haven’t already done it, get cracking on getting them in order.
If you can get these facts together, it will make it quicker, easier and cheaper to get legal advice, if it comes to that. Stop worrying, and get prepared! Best wishes, Margaret
My mother lives in the UK, we are all Scottish, including my aunt. So she won’t be able to do anything.
The old POA was a neighbor of theirs that my uncle appointed, a man in his 80’s. My aunt called the police on him once before and accused him of stealing too. Once my uncle died; he wanted nothing more to do with her and I took over everything (I had still been my aunts POA when my uncle was alive, but it was more in name only); unfortunately I haven’t been able to get in touch with this man.
All the records I have are digital; whenever I get her groceries; I work out how much from the receipt is hers and transfer the amount over from her checking account into mine, I do however put a note into the transfer stating what it’s for.
right now I’m still waiting and this was last week.
Would it make a difference? Or would the investigation continue on anyway? I don’t know how this works once the police are involved and a case is filed.
Also, APS said that “I’m financially abusing her”. In other words, APS didn’t say they’re investigating whether there’s been abuse; they’re already saying there has been abuse. They made an accusation. In other words, they found evidence for their accusation…?
So, I ask, "What happened to the large amount of money your aunt gave you"?
Also, in a response to me you answered that you didn't write a check for the money, you wire transferred, that is even worse, as your aunt could have at least signed a check evidencing that she was in agreement with these gifts.
Good Luck!
him. She never comes shopping with me so of course she won’t recognize the transactions. Also during this time, my uncle was still alive and he had appointed their neighbor; an 84 year old man as POA for both of them; and he was the only other person who had access to my aunt’s checking account; also at this time because I wasn’t my uncles POA I had no access to their joint account, just her personal checking account.
My aunt never ever wanted this man to have anything to do with their finances; and as soon as my uncle passed, she asked me to take her to the bank so she could take him off
everything and put me on. Unfortunately this man refused to go to the bank to sign the paperwork so we had to get the bank manager to deny him access to her checking account; and at the suggestion of my aunt and the bank manager; we closed their joint account and transferred all the money to the new account.
I believe her when she says it wasn’t her who reported me (although she does have a history of being difficult to
deal with but it’s been that way her entire life).
l firmly believe this man had a case of sour grapes and acted out of spite; I even have texts telling me he
no longer wants anything to do with her….so if that’s the case, why refuse to remove yourself from her bank accounts. I see an attorney on Wednesday and if we can find out for sure it was him, I may sue him for slander. I’m so angry.
It's lesson to us all to ask to see the tickets before we accept what someone says they are!