He is assisted by a lady friend resident in the home who possibly has predatory intentions. It is hard to see why she would make it her business otherwise. Because of covid I have-not been able to enter his residence for 8 months and he is not able to use a computer. As a result she has great influence over him, has moved into his unit (though retains her own) and he is dependent on her. He listens to her and not his daughter/POA. She is assisting him to try and regain control of his affairs through consultations with her lawyer. I am his only relative in the country.
The only thing you could do is get guardianship. This will give you full control. You can use Dads money but it is expensive. Or, when things open up again, transfer Dad out of that Al.
You need to involve the social worker at the facility to inform her/him thay the lady friend is meddling in dad's financials.
I would make sure that dad has a good eldercare attorney who can advise about guradianship.
Also if he is in AL, he can still probably make his own decision and allow his “friend” in his room. If he is in MC and she has moved into his room, as his POA, I would raise holy hell with the facility. In either case has the facility been made aware of her influence on him?
The retirement home where he lives has been informed several times in writing but their position is not to interfere in the rights of the residents. They see it as family business.
Make SURE that legally, you have POA and let the chips fall where they may. Does this woman have family? Maybe a little 'chat' with them, calmly and not in a confrontational manner will help you to have a small support system. If they know she's being inappropriate, perhaps they can help you. Just a thought.
Guardianship--I have zero knowledge of that, but I suspect it's expensive and fairly difficult to move dad's status from being under a POA and being totally 'controlled'.
Better act quickly, nip this in the bud.
If this woman simply wants a friend, no harm in that. It's been a lonely, long shutdown for these folks.
Your only option then would be to claim Dad is NOT competent and to file for guardianship. If Dad fights guardianship (and a lawyer will be provided for him to do so) then you would likely lose if he is at all competent.
So ask me if I am worried? Yes, if Dad is at all competent to say "I am changing POA to __________, who is now living with me and caring for me, and that is my wish.
How competent is your Dad. Would he pass an interview? Has he said he wants this woman to be his POA? Is she currently a paid caregiver, or your Dad's companion now? All of this matters. If a paid caregiver you can get her moved out or you can move Dad to care, away from her. If she is a companion, you may be in trouble/your Dad may be, is my personal opinion. I would go to the Lawyer who helped with the POA originally sooner rather than later, and tell everything you just told us.
The woman is a companion who he loves. The context of months of lockdown in his suite due to covid, without any visitors and no online activities with deteriorating brain has led to extreme dependency. I am happy he is not lonely but she is increasingly taking over. Dad called my lawyer and said he did not want me as POA. This lawyer who had drawn up Dad’s POA told him he would have to find another lawyer if he wanted to make a change of POA. The lawyer told me that a second lawyer would normally contact the original lawyer before making any change. Dad has now been talking to his lady friend’s lawyer or his friend is talking to the lawyer on his behalf - not sure which. The lady friend is in denial about his Alzheimers disease which doesn’t help him. Meanwhile I try to help with his affairs without having access to many of his files. Retirement Home wants no involvement which has been a big surprise.
Acompetency assessment would probably be best idea at this point but nobody is allowed in the residence at this time.
You could consider writing to the lady’s lawyer to state that there is a conflict of interest between her interests and his interests, and that he should not be acting for both of them. That might turn the lawyer off, and would certainly be helpful in any litigation. Certainly inform the AL administration of your concerns. Perhaps find out if you can use your POA now to transfer assets into a trust fund – of course check this with a lawyer, and the person who prepared the original POA could be good.
I hope that Garden Artist will chime in on this. Scams of elderly men are a real problem to deal with, particularly if sex is involved – and she has already ‘moved in with him’.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/elderly-father-with-diagnosed-mild-to-mid-alzheimers-in-retirement-home-in-a-relationship-with-fello-464026.htm
You should also notify the facility, as they probably don't want trouble either. They can't completely interfere with what they're doing, but they may be able to contact her family and also tell them what's up and that she's in danger of being kicked out if this persists.
Get on this, and don't wait until you find out Dad has made a new POA with the woman in charge.