I recently moved in with my mother and grandmother to help take care of the property and give my mother a break from caring for my grandmother 24/7. I am living here for free but start work Monday now that season is here. My mother is 68 and gets paid $200.00 a week for 24/7 for care of my 100 year old grand mother, I am not happy about this. Supposedly its only 200 because she lives here free. She sleeps in the same room as my grams and its killing my mother, she is getting to the point where I am going to speak with my aunt and uncles.
My grams turns 101 this year. She needs attention 100% of the time. She cannot walk on her own, She must be braced while using her walker. My mother who is 68 does all the house work and shopping, laundry, cooking and is up 4-8 times per night to attend to my grams. She administers medication, changes her dirty depends. she does everything.
My mother gets paid $200.00 per week, Her boyfriend buys all food. 24/7 care at 200 dollars a week is less then 2 dollars an hour. I am 31 years old and a man. I take care of our large property and watch my grams for a few hours 2 times a week to give my mother time away. Season is here and I'm back to work.
She buys all the food and supplies for the house as well. I am not happy with this arrangement and i would like some advice from everyone here.
Is my mother being used?
Does 24 hour care 7 days a week living in same room with grams something that my mother should be paying for? Also food and cooking my mother pays.
Can Anyone help me?
What should my mother be paid? Is room and board/food an expense my mother is responsible for?
I am not going to watch my mother get taken advantage of by my Family.
Please help me. Is she being used and underpaid?
24/7 in home very demanding.
Thank You
Jamison
You sound very angry.
Rather be furious at how badly your mother is being treated, why not start from the premise that this situation has arisen simply because nobody has given it any thought for some time.
So, time for a review.
Add up what the outgoings are, what your grandmother's care needs are, who's paying what and contributing what; get it all down on paper and come up with a better proposal.
Then put it to the family, and with a bit of tact, charm and sweet reason your mother will end up both more fairly rewarded and much better supported by hired services.
More importantly, the hours and benefits would not be acceptable. Does she get paid vacation time? Days off each week? Healthcare insurance? Is her social security tax being paid so she is earning credits?
It doesn't sound like this is an employment situation, but more like family helping family. The payment is more a token of appreciation rather than a wage. It is a situation that should be improved, if possible! Some factors that impact the arrangement:
Who is family? Does your mother have siblings? Are they involved in the care? In the decision-making? Do they expect to inherit?
What is Gram's financial situation? What are her sources of income? Does she have substantial assets?
Who decided that Gram would be cared for at home, rather than in a care center? Why?
How long has your mother been the primary (only?) caregiver?
Does your cultural heritage have specific expectations of how family is cared for?
Is Gram medically near the end of her life? Would she qualify for hospice care?
The way the situation should be improved is more money and less work for your mother.
If Gram has lots of money, these improvements should be no problem. She pays Mom substantially more, and also hires other people to clean the house, do the laundry, maintain the property, etc. And she also pays for regular respite help, so Mom gets at least a day off each week and shorter periods each day. If Gram could afford all this, that is what you should be working toward, as you deal with family.
Many elders do not have resources to achieve this. (My mother certainly didn't.) Then it is time to look into financial assistance. If you are in the US, Medicaid is the primary way this is handled. They pay for some in-home help such as housekeeping, medication management, an aide at the level needed, etc. as long as the total is less than the cost of a nursing home. If Gram needs more/a higher level of care, they pay for the nursing home. If Gram cannot afford her own care, Medicaid (if you are in US) is what you should be working toward.
I certainly hope that with your help things can improve for both your Mom and Gram.
Let us know what you try and how it works out.
Your Mom was my age when my folks [in their 90's] needed help, and I wasn't even hands-on. It mainly was errand running mach one. And driving my parents all over hill and dale. It was the stress of not knowing what the future would bring, who is going to fall down the stairs next, and what if my parents out lived me. Then what?
Even with my limited role with helping out, I crashed and burned twice from physical and emotional stress of dual work, my folks and my career. My Mom refused caregivers, I tried but she shooed them out by day 3, and Mom refused house cleaning service.
Downsizing, nope, never, nada. I know my Dad was ready to move as he was tired of trying to keep up with the "honey-do" list. Climbing a ladder in his 90's to clean the gutters? Seriously??? Shoveling snow? Really???
Someone in their late 60's does not have the physical energy as that of someone in their 40's. How many times have we seen a hospital worker in their late 60's or an employee at the nursing home in their late 60's. Rarely if at all. There is a good reason for that. Even if the person works 8 hours and gets to go home to be refreshed the next day, we just don't have the energy of that of a much younger person. It is said that close to 40% of family caregivers pass away leaving behind the love one they were caring. Not good odds. Is it fair that the family saves money at the expense of your Mom's life?
Time for a family meeting. Chances are your Mom may bow out from the meeting due to stress. But you can act on her behalf. Time to tell the family this cannot go on. If they offer more money, say NO, as money isn't issue. It's your own Mom's health and well being. Grandmother needs professional care at this point in time. Time for the family to pay for caregivers to come to the house, or place Grandmother a continuing care facility where the workers work only 8 hours and they get to go home to enjoy the family and have a full nights sleep.
I also credit you for being outraged, but please step back for a moment and analyze how this situation came about.
Where were you and others when your mother began caring for GM? And how long has your mother cared for her? I get the impression that has been taking place for some time but no one objected until now.
Have you discussed this yet with the other family members?
You write that you take care "of our large property", so I assume you're working for the family, as opposed to being a groundskeeper for a commercial or other large property? Do you have assistants, or other members of the family to help?
(I'm envisioning a kind of upper class arrangement in which one of the family manages a large estate. Is this the case?)
But you only have 2 hours "a few times" per week to help with GM? Two hours at two times is only about 4 hours, unless I'm missing something.
Why aren't other members of the family helping? Hmmm.....am I missing something here? I'm not trying to be critical, just trying to create a scenario and understand what the situation really is.
There are some things you can institute right now to help your mother. Hire someone to clean the house, do the laundry, etc. so that your mother doesn't have to do it. If the estate is large enough for a full time caregiver, I would think that there are funds sufficient to pay for additional help for your mother.
You wrote:
"Her boyfriend buys all food." then "She buys all the food and supplies for the house ". If the BF is doing the shopping, that's one thing but if your mother is doing all the shopping, obviously the BF is not.
I'm just trying to sort out this situation.
Besides buying groceries, what else does the BF do? Assuming he's at an age comparable to your mother, there's probably a limit to the physical activities he can undertake, but perhaps he can help mobilize the family.
Is there any reason some of the other members of the family can't buy the food? And cook it, or cook meals at home and bring them to your mother's house?
Besides what the other wise posters have suggested, I think that instead of focusing on the nominal pay, it might be helpful to get the family together and decide how to manage care, either with contributions from the family or from hired help. I'm still trying to envision a large property that requires an apparent full time manager but doesn't allocate funds for care of an elder member.
And paying your mother more wouldn't solve the problem, especially if there are funds to purchase some of the care GM needs.
This. Your mother has a good probability of dying from this (ok, I'm going to say it) ABUSE. This is a good example of one of the 40% of caregivers who will die before the one they are giving care to.
Getting up 4 - times/night? Do you know how detrimental constant interrupted sleep is for one's health? Sleep deprivation (and isn't this that?) is a form of torture.
There is Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] but I have heard that the Aides only come in for a few hours each week. One needs to apply and be accepted by the State Medicaid system in one's State.
Hiring professional caregivers is very expensive. The ones I had for my Dad, cost $30/hour, or $720 each day for 3 shifts.
Anyone who is hired not through a licensed Agency, the homeowner would need to purchase a Workman Comp insurance policy just in case the employee gets hurt on the job.
More info,
3 story house 2 basements unsure on acres. Full 2 story mechanics garage and junkyard. My grandfather ran it before he passed. My mother has a live in boyfriend who buys food for everyone with my mother splitting costs. We have a nurse once a week and an aide 2 times a week. Mother has 3 siblings all older then her. One of her brothers lives here and can barley walk himself. Other uncle is in FL and has a 48 year old special needs child. my aunt lives alone and wants nothing but more money when my gram passes. My grandfather worked 3 careers to take care of his wife and kids. Navy/Chief of police and junk yard.
Furymonger is my tag since diablo. but yes I am mad. My grandfather didnt put all that time in to kill my mother with stress and hours.
I gave up a career in Directional Drilling because my family comes first Always. I am the only person in this house capable of lifting 30 or more lbs. I am here because I have to be. But my Mother wants to go back to office work. I am watching my family fall apart one by one over ******* money.
I am getting data from as many sources as possible of pay rates food and if rent included. aide does bathing. MY mother does meds,cooking,changing depends and 24/7 care.
My grandmother will die if put in a nursing home. She deserves to pass in Her house.
So sorry if i came of angry but I am. My mother wont stand up for her self with her siblings Her boyfriend would be the best for it honestly. I cant say what he does for work due to security issues. I can say what i do for work. I bust my ass in the dirt.
So can anyone tell me what it would cost putting an agency in my mothers shoes? 24/7 in home.
When my Dad hired a licensed Agency to send out caregivers to work 3 shifts, it cost my Dad $20k per month, yes per month. Rates depend on location. It seems the larger the metro area the higher the cost. Anyway, the caregivers were wonderful. None lived with him, it was better for them to go home and rest up for the next 8 hour shift. The night caregiver was required by the Agency to remain awake all night, so it was ok for him/her to use their SmartPhone, Tablet, or watch TV until they heard my Dad trying to get up for a bathroom run.